Nov 21

My new Rolex watch? Why thank you for noticing. I got it at Wal-Mart…

In an attempt to off-set weak online sales, mega retailer Wal-Mart is going upscale. According to an article in today’s NY Times, affluent web surfers will now be able to purchase $7,500 plasma screens, a $10,000 white gold ring and many other high-end accessories on Wal-mart’s online store.Walmart_4

Sorry to rain on the Bentonville Behemoth’s parade, but this is one marketing ploy that ain’t going to fly. Can you imagine anyone with the disposable income necessary to acquire such baubles going to It strains credulity.

I can almost picture some mega rich doyenne of Manhattan society confiding to a friend, "Well darling, Bergdorf’s simply didn’t have the range of cashmere coats I was looking for, so I logged on to and found a dreamy $5,000 sports jacket that’s just right for Biff."

Brands often go astray when they deviate from their long-established positioning. And, while there are certainly exceptions to the rule, Wal-mart isn’t going to be one of them. I just don’t think we’ll be hearing that familiar disembodied voice in Wal-mart stores adding this potential corollary anytime soon: "Attention Wal-mart shoppers. In addition to today’s sales on tissues, paper plates and napkins, and a super reduced price on steak knives, we’ll be offering Patek Phillipe’s new Sprig line of wristwatches on"

Attention Wal-mart: stick with the marketing strategy that got you where you are.

Nov 21

The only true American holiday?

I was jogging by the local church, St. Leo the Great, when I happened to read their latest posted message (you know what I mean, those ersatz signs you see in front of everything from Amoco dealerships and motel chains to schools and churches that list sales and specials as well as obscure lines of poetry or proclamations of "great" import).

Anyway, the St. Leo’s message board got my attention. It read, "Come celebrate Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving only real American holiday." And that got me thinking. Oh really? What about the Fourth of July? What other country celebrates that holiday? Or, how about Memorial Day? Labor Day? Or, even Groundhog Day, which is a big deal in Punxatawny, Pa. Seems to me they’re all uniquely American holidays.

The problem with making a declarative statement that is so obviously false is that it invites speculation. For example, one might think: "If they’re mistaken about Thanksgiving being the only uniquely American holiday, what else are they getting wrong?"

While St. Leo’s is only one small cog in the juggernaut that is the Catholic Church, its misstatement underscores that an organization’s image and reputation is only as strong as its weakest link. And, that a mistake in one area could lead to confusion in others.

Will St. Leo’s correct their signage? Probably not. But, here’s hoping that Uncle Sam or Punxatawny Phil are out jogging and spot it in time to draw a line through the word "Thanksgiving" and add their own uniquely American holidays as well.

Nov 21

Talk about fanning the flames

So, the brilliant marketing minds of the NBA’s Sacramento Kings recently decided to welcome the Kings Detroit Pistons by picking on the Motor City itself.  Apparently, just before their game a few days ago, the Kings decided to flash scoreboard pictures of Detroit that included abandoned buildings, burned out cars, piles of rubble and other negative images. Was their intent to whip up the home town fans’ hatred of the visitors? Or did they want to "get inside" the heads of the Pistons’ players and get them so enraged that they’d forget the basics of roundball?

Regardless of the rationale behind the decision, one has to wonder why the Kings’ marketing people would pick on a team that’s already notorious for its all-out brawl with the Pacers last season is a mystery.

To make up for the egregious miscalculation, the Kings have run a series of print ads apologizing to the Pistons and the city of Detroit. Kings spokesperson Sonja Brown said, "We all feel terrible that we made just a big mistake, and we want to communicate that."

I’m sure David Stern and his NBA front office cohorts appreciate Brown’s apology. They need "big mistakes" like this like they need the proverbial hole in the head.

The whole league has a huge image problem. I was just in Portland, for example, where local fans call their team the "Jailblazers."

Teams "dissing" one another’s home towns is just another incendiary step on the road towards another massive conflagration a la the Pistons-Pacers brawl. What’s next? Kidnapping opposing team’s mascots? Burning enemy players in effigy? Perhaps Congress needs to step in as they have with the baseball steroids scandal. One thing is for sure: this stuff can’t keep happening without severe repercussions.

Nov 16

You have to admire their guts, if not their logic

Ad agency Goodby Silverstein made a ballsy judgment call recently when it walked away from its $80 mm relationship with Discover Financial Services to pursue the much larger Visa USA, a direct competitor.

Sadly, Visa announced today it would select an Omnicom agency to be its new AOR, leaving Goodby with zero clients in the credit card sector.

I think most professionals would admire Goodby for its bold decision. They went for the brass ring and lost. You can’t say they don’t have guts. On the other hand, smallish clients might think twice about hiring the firm in the future, thinking they’ll be discarded like yesterday’s newspaper when a larger, more attractive competitive client attracts Goodby’s attention.

It’s all part of the client-agency mating ritual which, as Lewis Carroll might say, just gets curiouser and curiouser.

Nov 11

Marge: let’s hold off on relocating to Dover

In the aftermath of Tuesday’s election results and the decision by Dover, Pa., voters to oust all eight Board of Education members who had supported the teaching of "divine intelligence" in town classrooms, televangelist Pat Robertson issued a warning. In effect, he told Dover residents not to be surprised if their town was visited by a variety of plagues as a result of their decision to continue supporting the teaching of evolution in schools. Robertson

Now, I don’t want to go near such an inflammatory issue as "evolution vs. divine intelligence," but I do find it interesting that a leading, right-wing Christian spokesperson, whose political agenda is to win over "undecided voters" to the cause, would make such an incendiary comment. Why alienate the more moderate-thinking mainstream electorate with such a fire-and-brimstone statement? I can’t remember too many recent examples of organizations wishing to attract undecided voters or customers by using such scare tactics. But, who knows? Maybe Robertson is at the cutting-edge of a new marketing strategy.

As for residents of Dover, I’d keep an eye open for signs of any late-season locust visits.

Nov 09

What you Talkin about Willis?

Landon Thomas Jr’s. article in today’s NY Times was dead on in terms of CEOs needing to be more direct and concise in their comments.

Some of the quotes from the CEOs in the text reminded me of the old TV sitcom Diff’rent Strokes, in which child star Gary Coleman used his signature line, "What you talkin about Willis?" whenever he didn’t understand what his older brother had just said.Gary_coleman1_1

Having media trained hundreds of executives over the years, I’m struck by how many of them struggle to explain their organization, its mission and its points of differentiation in a clear, concise manner. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but many senior executives tend to ramble in initial media training sessions. Some use "corporate speak" that may be understood within the confines of their business but leaves us totally baffled. Others come across as hard sell sales guys trying to close a prospect. Others still don’t understand how the media work, and think that by putting on the charm they can achieve a positive story.

We make it simple for the executives we work with by instructing them to:

*Tell the reporter what’s keeping your customers or prospects up at night.

*Quantify and qualify the pain as best you can. Explain how your organization provides a unique solution to the pain. Illustrate the explanation with colorful anecdotes, etc., but don’t stray off message.

*If appropriate within SEC guidelines, paint a forward-looking picture for the reporter about your industry and your role within the industry. The goal here is to begin to establish a relationship with the reporter and position oneself as a thought leader.

By sticking to that format, most executives are able to "win" the interview and avoid the Gary Coleman response from reporters.

Nov 09

The Plane Truth

On Monday, I wrote about the sorry level of service on New Jersey Transit. But rail transit may not rank (pardon the pun) at the bottom of our nation’s modes of transportation if this year’s Zagat survey on airline travel is anything to go by. Some of the comments voiced by frustrated and angry Laguardia_line frequent fliers make my rant seem almost congenial by comparison. ("Economy class is like the Bataan Death March with carry-on luggage," and "Could use economy as torture to get prisoners to talk," and "I’ll start with the good: Web site easy to navigate. That’s the end of the good" are among my favorites.)

The people who work for these outfits could have been trained by the Abu Ghraib guards on customer service. They’re mean, surly, short tempered, and they certainly don’t seem to realize the affect their behavior is having on the reputation of the institutions they serve.

But maybe, as with the guards, we should look at the kind of training and incentives their bosses are providing on how to work with those in their care. I suspect that their own rewards for good — or even lousy — performance are a lot more motivating.

In the meantime, the rest of us poor slobs just sigh in resignation as yet another train is broken down, another flight is endlessly delayed, and another representative tells us with an appalling lack of sincerity to have a nice day.

Hat tip to Ann Barlow for her thoughts.

Nov 08

The Mayor as CEO

Entrepreneur Michael Bloomberg, he of the eponymous information services empire, seems assured of easy re-election as mayor of New York today. Yet, two years ago, this political neophyte’s approval ratings hovered around 30 percent. Bloomberg

How did he rebound?

Simply put, he made himself and his senior managers accountable. One of the cornerstones of the Bloomberg Administration is applying business management techniques to governing the city. He dispensed with the isolated offices that the mayor and commissioners occupied in City Hall, substituting a bullpen of cubes with him at the center. (Andy Grove pioneered this concept at Intel years ago). He introduced the concept of customer service by instituting the 311 service, which enables New Yorkers to access and request city services and information at all times. Perhaps most importantly, he won control of the city’s school system from the state’s unaccountable board of political hacks, staking his mayoralty on turning it around. Though much remains to be done, improvements are already apparent.

That is not to say he is the perfect manager. He ignored his "customers" by insisting on bringing the Olympics to New York and building a billion-dollar stadium on the West Side, despite widespread opposition. Early in his term, he raised taxes on already overtaxed property owners by more than 20 percent. A reformed smoker, he hurt small businesses by pushing a smoking ban through the City Council.

Still, New Yorkers know who is in charge. Though Bloomberg’s re-election bid is helped by the fact that his opponent is a bland, old-style liberal Democrat, citizens recognize that their city, when managed well, works. While this is not a political blog and I don’t endorse candidates, I can certainly endorse Michael Bloomberg’s management style as a model for public officials everywhere.

Nov 07

Just Train Bad

Aside from a doctor’s office and the Division of Motor Vehicles, name one other type of business that cares less about your time than the average commuter train? And name one that does less to explain or apologize for said delays?

I happen to commute on New Jersey Transit, which routinely runs into delays, breakdowns, "service Njtransit interruptions," etc. While some of these issues are unavoidable, what is avoidable is the way they handle the inconvenience. Rather than provide riders with regular updates on the problem du jour, NJT’s crack conductors choose, instead, a code of silence, sometimes literally leaving you in the dark.

All of this wouldn’t be so onerous if the trains didn’t routinely play pre-recorded messages thanking riders for their patronage and wishing them a happy day. Nor would it hurt so much if NJT didn’t continually hike their monthly transportation rates or run happy-looking print advertisements with happy-looking commuters.

Sadly, as is the case with doctors and DMV employees, we’re stuck with the poor performance/poor communication mantra of NJT. But, in a quest for accuracy in advertising, I would suggest they change whatever their current tagline may be to something that’s both memorable and accurate…."New Jersey Transit: just train bad.

Nov 03

I’m a Victim. You’re a Victim. Everyone’s a Victim.

I was reading yet another Church scandal story yesterday (and how sad is it that Church scandal stories are now mundane news events?) when I came across an interesting twist.

A Garden City man is suing his pastor, the Presbytery of the City of New York and one of its largest churches, claiming that his pastor seduced his wife. So, to make himself whole again, this cuckolded parishioner is suing the Church for $1 million because the pastor "didn’t perform up to the standards of his calling," $3 million because the aggrieved husband says he’s now "lost his faith and trust in the Church in particular and religion in general" and another million for emotional trauma. Gimme a break.

If this guy wins, just imagine the floodgates it might open from a precedent-setting legal standpoint. If I didn’t like my Mahi-Mahi at Bolo Restaurant, maybe I can now sue them for undermining my trust and faith in the dining-out experience. Or, if my abysmal NY Jets lose to San Diego on Sunday, maybe I’ll sue Herm Edwards for not "performing up to the standards of a coach."

I think our highly litigious, "victim-centric" society has hit a new low when individuals can capitalize on an unfortunate set of circumstances such as an alleged extramarital affair to cash in big time. When and where will it end? When will personal accountability be restored as an admirable trait in individuals? Probably not until the Jets win the Super Bowl again. Or, in other words, not for a very, very long time.