American Management Today – Idiots?

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-comic-strip-type managers. These were voted the top ten and speak for themselves. (My personal favorite is from AT&T.)

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Tip of the RepMan’s hat to Mike Herman for forwarding.

3 thoughts on “American Management Today – Idiots?

  1. Hilarious stuff.
    Repman, I am a little surprised there was no entry today about the reputation battle occuring in New York between its two beloved baseball teams. As the players take the field this weekend, it is probably a safe bet to think that the marketing folks for each organization are doing their best to tip the reputation scale in their favor. Any thoughts on who is doing a more effective job right now?
    (I’m surprised that George “The Boss” Steinbrenner did not make the list of outrageous statements!)

  2. Agreed, these are some funny comments (although I’m sure not so funny to those who had to hear it firsthand). It’s amazing how these companies run, but I’m sure every one of us could add to this list if we thought about it. Sad, but still funny. Perfect for a Friday afternoon laugh.