Men’s Health Magazine just conducted a first-of-its-kind survey to determine where men were most likely to contract melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer.

To do so, MH first checked the list of America’s sunniest cities. It then checked the melanoma rates among men from the National Cancer Institute. Finally, they looked at melanoma’s toll from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Anaheim, home of Mickey, Donald, Pluto and those other horrific Disney characters, topped the list
followed, as might be expected, by other southwestern hot spots such as San Diego, Tucson and Las Vegas. But, check this out: Bangor, Maine, was listed as America’s seventh most deadly city. Bangor, Maine? Could there be a more godforsaken place? The weather is perpetually cold, windy and rainy. So, what gives? I could see Bangor topping a list of cities with the highest suicide rate. But Bangoe doubling as MelanomaCentral? Maybe the rare rays of sunshine that actually do break through the murkiness are so pissed off that they wreak havoc on unsuspecting Bangorians (Bangorites?).

Regardless of Bangor’s plight, New Yorkers can rest easy. We finished way down the list. As did Chicago, Buffalo and our nation’s capitol. The safest city for dodging melanoma? Anchorage, Alaska.

Getting back to Anaheim for a moment, their problem could be a marketer’s dream. If I’m calling the shots at, say, Coppertone, I’d offer to ‘adopt’ Anaheim, provide the entire population (including Pinochio) with a year’s supply of my gook and challenge Men’s Health to undertake the very same test 365 days from now. It’s a no lose situation for the city or the marketer. Even if it doesn’t work, how cool would it be to see Disney issue a new, updated ‘Sleeping Beauty’ with Prince Charming slowly dying from the ravages of Melanoma? Will Sleeping Beauty wake up in time to see her prince, or will the deadly disease beat the evil Millificent to the punch and finish him off first? I know I’d be sitting on the edge of my seat.