What do Comcast and Crest Pro Health toothpaste have in common? They're both horrific consumer products.
Repman readers know of my recent travails with Comcast cable service. After having disrupted my premium cable service for a full week and bouncing us from one voice mailbox to another, a cool customer service rep named Frank finally intervened and promised the service would be restored. He also assured me my experience was a true anomaly.
Well, guess what? Comcast pulled the plug again on Tuesday even though our account's paid in full. Voice mailbox hell is as unhelpful and aloof as ever. And Frank? Well, I shot him an e-mail only to receive an out-of-office response. Nice.
Comcast deserves a special place in customer service hell (assuming one believes in such a place. If not, a never-ending ride on New Jersey Transit will suffice).
Keep your eyes on Crest Pro Health toothpaste, though. It's a strong, up-and-coming competitor to Comcast.
Have you tried this stuff? It leaks. Everywhere. The crap oozes out of the tube and spreads across the sink like the blob in the classic Steve McQueen Sci-fi. It not only pools up like a gooey peat bog, but Crest Pro Health also proves amazingly difficult to clear away (In fact, each time the muck oozes out, I feel like a member of the Exxon Valdez clean-up crew). Who devised this stuff? More importantly, who was responsible for the market research?
Did no one speak up? I can imagine the focus group……
Crest market researcher: "So, how does everyone feel about the new toothpaste?"
Focus group participant: "Very tasty. And my teeth seem whiter than ever. There is that problem with the aquamarine goo that oozes out on my sink. It's impossible to clean up."
Crest market researcher: "'Excellent. Would you recommend it to others?"
Focus group participant: "It's tasty, but I spend more time mopping up the mess on the sink than I do brushing my teeth."
Crest market researcher: "Excellent. So, you're suggesting that Crest Pro Health also provides an upper body workout?"
Focus group participant: "Well, my forearms are sore and I'm angry with the mess it causes."
Crest market researcher: "Thanks so much. This is great feedback and may suggest some smart marketing partnerships for the brand with fitness clubs and anger management specialists."
Now that I think about it, maybe I'll use Crest Pro Health to terrorize Comcast into taking some positive action. I could sneak into their local offices and leave behind packages of the nasty, gooey toothpaste along with a note: "Enjoy cleaning up your sinks. You'll keep finding this horrific substance in your restrooms until and unless my premium cable service is restored. Signed, A repelled and rebellious Repman."