Child, please

Controversial Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco (nee Johnson) and his use of the phrase, 'Child, please' has received widespread attention of late. In fact, it's become his brand signature, if you will.

(Note: This video is intended for mature audiences only.)

A cursory glance at reveals the X-rated nature of the words but, my sources tell me that ‘Child, please’ can also be used as a substitute for such time worn expressions as:

– 'Gimme a break'
– 'Are you kidding?'
– And 'Yeah, sure.' (Fans of the Jim Bouton book 'Ball Four' may recall the special occasions in which the rejoinder, 'Yeah, sure' was employed. It still brings a smile to my face).

Anyway, it got me thinking. I believe ‘Child, please’ would make an excellent addition to the BusinessSpeak dictionary (right alongside such bon mots as: 'Let's take this conversation off line.' 'I have a hard stop at 2:30,' and 'I'll circle back after I've had a chance to socialize the idea.').

So, in effort to be the professional services equivalent to Ochocinco, I thought I'd serve up various scenarios in which I could see ‘Child, please’ working well in PR, business, and the world in general:

– 'Steve, we loved your team, your ideas and your energy. It was a tough choice, but we're going with another firm. That said, if it doesn't work out, you'll be the first person I call.'. Child, please.
– 'I want to work in public relations because I like people.' Child, please.
– 'We appreciate the hard work (agency name) has given to (client name) over the years, but have decided we need fresh thinking.' Child, please.
– 'Attention passengers on Continental flight 57 to Palookaville. The in-bound flight is running 15 minutes late. That said, we're still projecting an on-time departure.' Child, please.
– 'Recognizing the challenges of the current economy and respecting the long-term nature of our relationship, our law firm has decided not to raise our hourly rates in 2010.' Child, please.
– 'New Jersey Transit trains are running close to, or on, schedule.’ Child, please.
– ‘(Insert name of a recently fired top executive) has decided to pursue other interests.' Child, please.
– 'I did not have sex with that woman.' Child, please.

And, my personal favorite:

'We're only looking at a handful of agencies.' Child, please.

What am I missing? Do you have examples from your world in which ‘Child, please’ would be the ideal response? If we work together as a team and stay focused on the desired end result, we can make this an everyday expression. Child, please!

9 thoughts on “Child, please

  1. I’m responding to this a week later, but here’s a good one for you Steve:
    “Thanks for everything! Please keep in touch and let me know if I can help you out in any way”. Chile’, please. That’s what everyone says when someone leaves a job. Most people don’t really mean that.

  2. Awesome, Stan. Just awesome. How about this one: ‘The one thing that differentiates our organization is our people. They’re world class.’ Child, please. That’s what every organization says.

  3. Agency To Prospect: We look forward to coming back with some concepts. Can you provide some financial bumpers of what you would like to spend on the project?
    Prospect to Agency: We don’t want to constrain your thinking. If it’s the right idea . . . we’ll find the money. Come back with a variety of ideas and lay them out like a chinese menu.
    [Child please . . . get your own beef with broccoli]

  4. interesting- i think i remember fran saying to me a few years back “isaacc, its been a pleasure having u work here, child, please”