Mick Cody, a seven-year-old pit bull terrier, is upset with the findings of a recent AP-Petside poll of some 1,100 pet owners. The survey says one-third of pet-owning married women believe their pets are better listeners than their husbands (18 percent of pet-owning married men said the same thing).
'That's breed stereotyping,' said Mick. 'I'm sick and tired of hearing that dogs are great listeners. We're not. Trust me, we dial humans out after the first or second complaint.'
Mick also took exception with the poll results showing that most people believe their pets are stable and seldom struggle with depression. 'Are they serious?' Mick snarled. 'My master got me hooked on watching the Mets and Jets on TV. You want to talk depressing? I didn't bark for a month after the Mets blew that huge lead a few seasons back.'
The offer of a bone, a walk or a ride in the car are the only things that Mick says make his ears perk up. 'Otherwise, it's garbage in-garbage out. My mom complains about her aches and pains and my dad always has some issue with his business. You think that stuff doesn't get old real quick?'
If given an opportunity to do so, Mick said he'd bite 55-year-old Ron Farber of Hoxie, Kansas. Farber is quoted in the AP article as saying a '…dog doesn't have an opinion.' The pit bull bared his teeth when told of Farber's comment and howled, 'No opinion, huh? How's this? All politicians suck. All cable channels suck except Animal Planet. And, all 55-year-old dog owners from Hoxie, Kansas, suck!'
Believing that revenge is a dish best served cold, Mick says he's approaching an AP competitor to pitch a humanside poll. 'I want to survey 1,100 dogs and ask them whether they think their owners talk too much, are repetitive as hell and never pick up after themselves. He who barks last, barks best.'
Thanks to Greg Schmalz for the idea behind this post.