RepMan

We really shouldn't be blaming BP, Halliburton or the government

I was whipping through Kurt Vonnegut's 'A Man Without a Country' when I was stopped in my tracks by this passage: 'We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial. And like so many addicts about to face cold turkey, our leaders are now committing violent crimes to get what little is left of what we're hooked on.' That was written in 2005.

Man's wanton destruction of planet Earth is nearing a crescendo in the Gulf of Mexico. And, talk about an exclamation point. Wow.

We shouldn't be blaming the Gulf disaster on BP, Halliburton, Obama, Cheney, W. or anyone else. It's everyone's fault. We're the ones who chose to ignore the 1970s oil crisis. We're the ones who took so long to seek other, alternative fuel sources.

As a result, we're stuck with at least another 20 years of 'drill, baby, drill' because the alternative energy infrastructure simply isn't robust enough to handle the load.

Did you read that another deep horizon type drilling was just approved in Alaska? Since each of the major oil companies has the same exact crisis response plan (probably authored by one of the holding company PR firms, btw), maybe we'll have competing oil spills?

It could be a World Cup of Crude. I can imagine the play-by-play: Chip, the Alaskan oil spill has really picked up momentum in the past few hours. They're up to 2 million gallons spilling into the Bering Sea as we speak. I have to believe we'll begin seeing some seals and polar bears washing up on shore any minute now.'

'That's right, John. The Gulf folks must be worried. They've held the top spot for 72 days now and, sure, they've killed thousands of creatures, but this new Alaskan spill has gotten everyone's attention. This may turn out to be a real horse race. Or, should I say a real sea otter race?'

But I digress.

Image and political pundits shouldn't be opining about who did what right or wrong. That's tactical thinking. They should be talking big picture. They should be pointing the finger at the entire human race. We should be taking the image hit on this one.

Fish and wildlife die. Shorelines are destroyed and the ecosystem teeters on the brink of collapse. All because, as Vonnegut wrote, 'We're joined at the hip to the most abused, addictive and destructive drugs of all time: fossil fuels.' 

Success is what we can make of the mess we have made of things

Those aren't my comments. They were spoken by T.S. Eliot, author of the some of the most memorable poems in the 20th century.

Eliot's quote appeared in the Boston Globe in honor of his graduation from Harvard 100 years ago. Despite his later success, Eliot was anything but a model student. In fact, he racked up only three As to go along with eight Bs, six Cs and one D. Those low marks, coupled with a spotty attendance record, bought Eliot academic probation in 1906. Nice, T.S.

Eliot's story doesn't surprise me one bit. For every overnight success story a la the founders of Google and YouTube, there are exponentially more 'failures' such as Alexander Graham Bell (who accidentally invented the telephone as he tried building a more effective hearing aid), Edison (who said it took him 10,000 tries to invent electricity) and Buckminster Fuller who, at the age of 32, had had enough of failure and was contemplating suicide. He decided to give life one more shot, and went on to author 28 books, receive 25 patents and collect 47 honorary doctorates. Talk about comeback player of the year!

Failure gets a bum rap in today's society. And, I see far too many people, young, middle-aged and old, who are afraid to fail. So, instead, they choose the path of least resistance, accept mediocrity and end up being miserable.

The beautiful thing about entrepreneurship is that it forces one to confront failure on a daily basis. Ed and I have failed countless times since starting our company. Some have been minor. Some, as the Japanese executives at Sony used to say, were 'epoch-making.'

Each and every failure is a tremendous learning experience if you're able to pick yourself up, shake off the dust and try something just a little bit differently the next time. Edison failed 9,999 times in his search for electricity. Talk about OCD! And Fuller figured he'd hit a literal dead-end at mid-life. Look at Harry S. Truman. He was a complete failure and destitute at the age of 40.

As the Globe's editor put it, 'Life is messy and unpredictable.' The individuals who recognize that and see failure as an opportunity are the ones who eventually succeed. Sadly, we never hear about the vast majority of others who give up.

So, here's a homage from one mediocre student to another. T.S.: I was never a fan of your poems or your genre, but I sure respect your perseverance.

We get what we deserve

I used to blame Hollywood producers, directors and actors for causing the dumbing down of America. But, after reading Stephen Holden's scathing review of the latest, mindless movie from Adam Sandler, I realize we have no one to blame but ourselves. We get what we deserve.

In discussing the dreadful content of 'Grown Ups,' Holden opines, 'The movie is symptomatic of a social attitude that might be called the security of incompetence. There's something reassuring about a bad movie that doesn't ask you to think or feel or even pay attention; we can all be happy D-minus students huddled together in communal self-disgust in a D-minus world.' That, my friends, is an A-plus observation.

The pabulum served up by the likes of Sandler, Stiller and their ilk is atrocious. But, the great, unwashed masses pay to see it, so why shouldn't they continue churning out one tired wretch of a movie after another?

I feel the exact same way about Howard Stern and his T&A/flatulent-obsessed, shock jock peers. My business partner, Ed, will sometimes liken my caustic comments to Stern, but I prefer to see myself taking the higher, satiric road of, say, a Johnny Carson or Don Imus. Their wit carries a rapier-like message with it. Stern's content, on the other hand, is exactly like Sandler's flicks: one doesn't need to think or feel or even pay attention to it.

And, so, the ongoing dumbing down of America continues. There are myriad reasons why our country is on an increasingly steep downside of greatness. One can argue a lack of political leadership, a loss of confidence in business & industry and a complete betrayal by the church. But, one should not overlook the contributions made by the entertainment industry.

There's a reason moronic comedians such as Adam Sandler have become multi-millionaires. And, that reason is staring right back at you in the mirror.

The fault lies not in our stars (Hollywood, or otherwise), but in ourselves.

The acceleration trap

What do President Barack Obama and Peppercom have in common? We're both challenged by the acceleration trap.

The acceleration trap is the title of a fascinating Harvard Business Review article co-authored by Heike Bruch and Jochen I. Menges (Download Acceleration Trap). Its premise? Successful individuals and organizations can unknowingly become victims of their own success. Emboldened by one success after another, they take on far too many new initiatives without clearing their plates of existing ones. As a result, they end up doing too many things poorly instead of a few things well.

Consider Obama's plight. He's either tackled, or been tackled by, far too many challenges:

- passage of a comprehensive health care program

- a weak economy

- high unemployment

- the usual instability in the Middle East

- the Gulf disaster

- the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, respectively

- rank insubordination and back-stabbing from, and among, his top civilian and military advisers

- a financial sector run amok

- the ineptness of the Big Three Detroit automakers

- a rotting infrastructure of roads, bridges and tunnels

- and, many more that I can't think of at the moment

By choosing, or being forced, to choose to deal with these issues simultaneously, Obama has appeared weak, indecisive, detached and beleagured (and that's on a good day).

The acceleration trap authors would counsel our president to immediately put most of these initiatives in a 'holding pattern.' They'd suggest he hold a 'wake' for those initiatives he kills (so, that those individuals who have worked long and hard to make them happen, can have a period of mourning). They'd also tell 'The One' to give his staff and the nation periodic 'time outs' to re-group and refresh. Think about it. We are bombarded multiple times a day with negative news about one or more of Obama's initiatives either stalling or going South (housing starts, unemployment figures, the 'runaway general,' a possible hurricane approaching the beleagured Gulf, etc.). Phew! Man, do we need a time out from negative news, or what?

As for Peppercom, we live and die by innovation. We pride ourselves on outflanking our competition and staying one step ahead of clients' needs by developing new and different service offerings. Many have been very successful (i.e. licensing, digital, tailored workshops, etc.). Others have become sacred cows that exist in a permanent state of limbo that demand staff time but produce little, if any, revenue.

We've taken the acceleration gap very seriously and have been meeting on a fortnightly basis to clear out the closets, shelves and files. We've put some initiatives on hold and euthanized others. We have a long way to go, but the benefits are already obvious. We're also looking for ways to provide more time-outs for our people.

The White House needs to do the very same thing. Obama needs to focus on two or three macro issues and drill down deep on each (oil spill pun was unintentional). He needs to do far fewer things. And, he needs to do a much better job on the issues he does select. If he doesn't, The One will be a one and done president.

Success demands flexibility. The successful individual or institution has to know when to say when and either avoid the acceleration trap or, like us, find ways to extricate oneself from it.

An Ice Cream Campaign Worth Screaming For

Today's guest post is by Kristin Davie, Peppercom JAE. 

There are three people a girl can count on to carry her through any heartbreak- her father and good ole’ Ben and Jerry. 

Turns out, Ben & Jerry’s doesn’t just help mend a broken heart, they’re not half bad at social media either.

To commemorate the creation of its New York Super Fudge flavor, the Ben & Jerry’s NYC Scoop Truck has been making its way around Manhattan delivering tasty, frozen treats- over 500,000 samples in 6 weeks.  What better way to celebrate the 25th anniversary of such a flavor staple than in the city that served as inspiration?

Every Wednesday, Ben & Jerry’s accepts suggestions from hungry Manhattan tweeters as to where they should stop next- and after a great group tweeting effort (including a rather persuasive picture of some hungry Peppercommers), Peppercom was fortunate enough to be paid a visit yesterday.

The campaign is a great example of social media reinforcing brand loyalty.  Not to mention, it made publicists out of everyday consumers, as more and more people took to Twitter to spread the message and encourage friends and office mates to submit a 140 character pitch of their own.

Yes, we took the tweeting pretty seriously.  There’s a rumor I pumped my fists in the office kitchen when I heard the good news (DISCLAIMER- I’m from New Jersey), but who could blame me?  Cold, delicious ice cream is a welcome reward when the temperature is nearly 90 degrees outside. 

At the end of the day, Ben & Jerry’s reminded me that I shouldn’t limit myself to picking up a pint when a boy breaks my heart.  The brand can help make some happy memories, too- just check out the smiles on all of us. 

This Gun’s for Hire

I’m sad. In fact, I’m depressed. Truth be told, I’m downright despondent. No one, not one single manufacturing company has ever sent me a free product sample in the hopes that I’d write a glowing review.

I don’t deal well with rejection. I tend to internalize things, cut myself, contemplate ending it all in some dramatic way. So, when I read that pay-for-play is a big, and growing, trend in blogging, I curl up in the fetal position for a whole weekend.

All I need is some sign. Some indication that an Apple or a Panasonic or a Coach knows I’m not only alive but ready, willing and quite able to blatantly hype their product. I’ll shill. Just show me some love.

And, here’s another benefit. I won’t tell anyone you’ve given me your product either. There will be none of that transparency nonsense with this blogger. In fact, I’ll follow the lead of Louise Crawford, who created an annual blogging event she calls  ‘Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn’ (say, what?). 

Crawford was recently called on the carpet by the blogging community for accepting Absolut Vodka’s offer to sponsor her contest. Absolut even created a special drink for the festival called the Brooklyn Spike (named in honor of Spike Lee, another event sponsor). BTW, if it’s a festival for bloggers, how come I wasn’t invited? Looks like another weekend spent in the fetal position. And, check this out, Absolut offered participating bloggers free gifts, including a bottle of Brooklyn Spike and a small digital camera in exchange for coverage. In all, nine bloggers accepted the vodka and eight got cameras. Me? I didn’t even get a dirty shot glass.

Critics of such blatant pay-for-play dubbed Ms. Crawford’s festival a ‘ShillFest.’ Others felt it exposed the sleazy underbelly of blogging. It turns out many bloggers never, ever reveal the largesse driving their content (note: even the legendary TechCrunch was recently nailed when a writer accepted a MacBook computer in exchange for covering a start-up company. That seems like a pretty good deal to me). As the Brooklyn controversy took hold (much as a second shot of vodka starts to take hold and dull one’s senses) some of the pay-for-play bloggers began admitting they’d received gifts from Absolut. But, good ol’ Ms. Crawford didn’t see what all the fuss was about. “I thought of my post as a piece of writing,” she whined, “and they sent me a bottle of vodka.” Good for you, Ms. Crawford. And, I’ll bet the vodka made your writing that much more creative.

So, here’s a plaintive plea from a lonely, dejected overlooked blogger who’d positively kill for a cool pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses, a Mammut trekking jacket or a shiny, new Rolex. Send me the freebie and I’ll make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread. Hell, I’ll even write a positive blog if Chevy, or Chevrolet, or whatever the hell they’re now calling the company, sent me one of their clunkers. I can be had, Corporate America. This gun’s for hire.

Nobody Beats the Rep!

How’d you like a million dollar idea for just $5?  Sound too good to be true? Not if Jim Kukral has anything to say about it.

Jimmy Five Bucks (as I call him) reminds me of one of those web scam artists who offer to deposit a large sum of money in your bank account. All you have to do in return is pay some incidental upfront costs and, voila, you’ll be an instant millionaire. And, all Jimmy needs to get his creative juices flowing and make you a millionaire is $5. Such a deal!

To his credit, Kukral does promise to return your $5 if he doesn’t deliver.

But, he’s not getting my $5. That’s because, in the spirit of our great, free enterprise system, I’m going to undercut him.

That’s right. Starting today, I’m introducing the $4 RepMan challenge. Send me $4 and I’ll give you a million-dollar idea in exchange. Just think what you can do with that extra buck! In fact, if you send me four dollars a day for a full year, you’ll have saved $365! Man, oh man.

You want to know my million-dollar idea credentials before sending me your moola? Fine. Check this out:

- I came up with the name Peppercom for our firm (PR Week called that a million dollar idea when they profiled us back in 2000. Put that in your $5 pipe and smoke it, Jimmy.)

- MSL’s Petey Harris and I came up with an idea for an online learning site that helped attract a million dollar client to the then nascent Peppercom. The same idea has since been dusted off multiple times and used for many subsequent clients. Ka-ching.

- I came up with the name for my wife’s personal fitness company, FitBitch. She hasn’t turned it into a million dollar business yet. But, the name’s worth a million dollars. I guarantee it.

Forget about Jimmy Five Bucks. Nobody beats the Rep! I’ll give you a million dollar idea for just $4!

And, I’m flexible. You can send me the $4 in a check, money order, rolls of quarters. I don’t care. In fact, it doesn’t matter at all. Why? Because I’m not returning your damn money. If you’re dumb enough to send it, I’m smart enough to save it.

Nobody beats the Rep!

Bill, baby, bill

Hatred unites America. Think about it. We hated Japan after Pearl Harbor. We hated bin Laden in the aftermath of 9/11. And, boy oh boy, do we sure hate BP’s Tony Hayward after this past weekend’s YachtingGate. In fact, a quick perusal of Sunday-morning talk shows revealed consensus among right and left-wing pundits, politicos and poseurs alike. Each and every ‘expert’ agreed the Isle of Wight sail put the proverbial final nail in Hayward’s BP career. And, each and every expert alike opined that Hayward’s malaprops, misdeeds and maladroit management precluded a ‘second career’ as a PR counselor. Wrong!

Give it a year or two, and I guarantee Mr. Hayward will be working for either the world’s largest, independent public relations firm or one of the scores of lookalike holding company PR firms.  Why? There’s a variety of reasons:

1.) Big agencies absolutely fawn over ex-CEOs, governors, White House press secretaries, senators, or heads of the EPA, DEP or Homeland Security, respectively. Why? Because their names attract deep-pocketed, multinational clients like bees to honey.

2.) “The rich are not like you and me,” wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald. Neither are the uber-powerful. They move in rarified circles not open to mere mortals like you and me. Hayward’s Rolodex alone is worth millions of dollars.
3.) Hayward’s Rolodex = Access. And, access equals power in Washington, D.C., New York and elsewhere. Hayward can open doors with a single e-mail or phone call.
4.) Large agencies can bill Hayward’s time at unconscionably outrageous hourly rates. Hayward = profits for cash-starved large agencies.

I can even visualize Mr. Hayward’s business card in my mind. It will read: ‘Tony Hayward. Energy sector/sustainability strategist.’

And, despite his horrific performance in the current disaster, boards of directors will nonetheless line up to retain Hayward’s counsel. Why? Because, in a year or so, Hayward will have penned his autobiography (suggested working titles; “I Wanted My Life Back” or ‘The Gulf Is a Big Ocean’). He’ll have made the rounds of the talk shows, professing sincere regret for his mistakes, explaining how his forced retirement provided a much-needed respite for soul-searching and introspection and, (and, this is the game-changer) that he now wants to share what’s he learned with businesspeople and politicians around the world so they don’t make the same mistakes he did. It’s absolutely brilliant. And, I guarantee he’s already formulated the strategy.

So, please, Argentina, don’t cry for Tony. His future is as bright as the Gulf waters are murky. And his wallet will be as green as the Gulf waters are black. Tony Baloney may be a phony. But, he’ll be a very well-compensated big PR agency phony soon enough.

If Obama’s lost the New York Times, he’s lost the nation

Watching the evening network newscasts one night in the midst of the Vietnam War morass, President Lyndon Johnson witnessed a withering assault on his policies by none other than CBC News anchorman Walter Cronkite. LBJ sighed, wearily shut off the Oval Office TV set and famously quipped, “If I’ve lost Cronkite, I’ve lost the nation.” And, sure enough LBJ had lost the legendary Cronkite and, in turn, the entire nation. He scored poorly in a few early 1968 Democratic presidential primaries and decided not to run for re-election.

Now, fast forward to the ides of June, 2010. President Barack Obama is himself experiencing a later-day LBJ-Cronkite experience. In the immediate aftermath of Obama’ televised Oval Office address Wednesday night on the BP oil spill, both the lead Times editorial as well as the rhetoric of its resident, caustic, left-wing liberal columnist, Maureen Dowd’s positively savaged ‘The One’s’ indecisiveness.

This is Obama’s Vietnam moment. With Dowd, et al in the role of Cronkite.  If the President has lost the Times, then he’s most certainly lost the nation. Looking ahead to 2012, and borrowing a phrase from the upcoming Wimbledon Tennis Tournament, it’s ‘Game. Set. Match’ for Mr. Obama. I can already visualize the January 2013 O’Dwyer’s headline reading, ‘Former President joins Edelman’s public affairs office. Obama to counsel high-level clients on crisis issues. Joins endless array of other erstwhile Capitol Hill power brokers to provide senior counsel.’

So, what went so terribly wrong?

Unlike W. and Cheney, who shot first and asked questions later, Obama vacillates to a fault. He waits. He ponders. He evaluates. He fiddles while Rome, or in this case, Rome, Louisiana, burns. Obama’s Oval Office speech was deemed a rhetoric-pocked, action-lacking failure by left-wind pundits, And, if Dowd and company are unimpressed, god knows what the likes of O’Reilly, Limbaugh and that ultimate pit bull, Glenn Beck, are saying (note: for reason pertaining to my personal health and well-being, I will not watch Mr. Beck. He not only baits in Josef Goebbels-like ways, he also bears an uncanny physical resemblance to one of the worst clients in Peppercom history. Note: think purple).

Like many moderates and liberals, I’d hoped that Barack Obama’s ascendance signaled a new era in politics. I answered the clarion call of change and voted for B.O. who, sadly, is literally living up to his initials and stinking up the place.

The BP oil spill and Gulf disaster are the Teapot Dome and Credit Mobilier of our era. One can also throw in Watergate, Iran-Contra and Monica Lewinsky’s beret, for good measure. It’s been building to a slow crescendo since his swearing in, but Barack Obama has clearly self-destructed in the past few weeks.

I’m now convinced he’s a one-term President. That said, who’s waiting in the wings? Weird Al Yankowicz?

The combination of a relentless 24x7, news beast salivating at the thought of savaging any new candidate, along with the limitless personal wealth available in the private sector, has scared away America’s most talented managers. What’s left is  a dog’s breakfast of dysfunctional miscreants and career mediocrities who can neither talk nor shoot straight.

It’s enough to make a blogger ask for a third round of Sancerre and go gently into that good (and oil-riddled) night. As former New York Mets Manager Casey Stengel asked of his horrific 1962 squad: “Can anyone here play the game?”

Mick Cody announces new, political party; calls 'Animals Matter' America's first serious third party movement since days of Teddy Roosevelt and the Bull Moose

Lincroft, NJ, June 16, 2010 – Noted animal rights activist, Mick Cody (who also happens to be an animal) announced today he was forming a new, third political party to be named Animals Matter. Calling it America's first serious third party since 1912 when Theodore Roosevelt split the Republican vote with his Bull Moose movement and handed the election to Democrat Woodrow Wilson, Cody says Animals Matter is the ultimate grass roots movement. 'We don't just represent grass roots ideas, we eat the damn things daily.”

Cody says Animals Matter is a direct response to the complete ineptness of humans to solve man-made problems. “In my short lifetime, I've witnessed house pets dying in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, pit bulls being savaged by Michael Vick and dolphins washing ashore on the beaches of Alabama courtesy of BP. We believe animals can do a better job,” he barked. Mick said Animals Matter will also provide a platform for animals of all kinds to posit their views on the ecological damage being wreaked by man.

“We welcome the siren calls of whales, the howls of coyotes and, yes, even the meows of cats,” said Mick. “We live, eat and breathe inclusiveness.”

Cody said Animals Matter intends to place candidates on tickets during the upcoming midterm elections and that he, himself, is weighing a run at the Presidency in 2010. “Look, Reagan was over 70 when he won in 1980. I'll be 10 in 2012. That's pretty much the same age. If Dutch can do it, why can't I?” he whined.

Cody acknowledged the need for a balanced ticket in order to attract voters in 2012. “I've appointed my long-time chief of staff, Rooney Cody, to head an exploratory committee to find the right VP. I'm looking for a savvy sea otter, a cunning chimp or maybe even an energizing eagle. Any of the above could easily whip Sarah Palin in an IQ test,” he whimpered.

Animals Matter is temporarily headquartered in the Cody backyard, which has been renamed the 'Animal Farm.' Mick says his nascent party is accepting contributions in the form of checks, money orders and dog treats.

“We will take back the environment from mankind. I may not live long enough to join my fellow animals in the Promised Land, but I've been to the top of the mountain and I've seen what lies ahead. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,” Mick growled.

Animals Matter is a non-profit organization created to advocate on behalf of animals everywhere. For more information, please call 1-800-B-A-R-K-I-N-G or go to www.mickispissed.canine.