Ever notice how a movie will sometime introduce a new expression or phrase into the public
consciousness? The Bogart/Bergman 1942 classic, ‘Casablanca’ may hold the all-time record for unveiling memorable such bon mots as:
– “Here’s looking at you, kid.“
– “Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”
– “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.”
And my personal favorite…
– “I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.”
The Tom Cruise flick, ‘Jerry Maguire,’ contributed a signature phrase as well: “You had me at hello.” I use that with Ed every now and then.
And, then, there’s a fairly obscure Leonardo DiCaprio movie called ‘Blood Diamond,’ which donated a line that’s resonated beautifully with my last two climbing trips: "TIA, baby. TIA." For Leo, and his co-stars, in that particular epic, TIA stood for the ‘This is Africa.’ The main characters used the expression whenever anything that could go wrong did so.
TIA worked well when we climbed Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, East Africa. Quite simply, there was no infrastructure to speak of, and one could count on Big Brother not doing his part.
But a variation of TIA, "TIR, baby. TIR" worked even better in Russia, a country that I’d be hard pressed to categorize as Second World, must less First World.
Let me begin by saying that Russia is unlike any nation I’ve ever visited. It embraces insularity. Russians have no real interest in the outside world. Period. It’s all about Medvedev, Putin, and where the next meal is coming from. At the same time, Russia’s Communist-era transportation infrastructure makes a bumper-to-bumper, parking lot-like, jam on the Belt Parkway seem like a walk in the park.
Here’s just a sampling of the TIR experiences we faced:
– In the midst of its fifth straight week of 100-plus degree temperatures, St. Petersburg boasted few, if, any, air conditioned buildings. To make matters worse, the powers that be decided to create monumental mid-day traffic delays by sending Con Ed-type guys with acetylene torches to repair antiquated trolley systems. Excuse this Amerikanski, but why couldn’t the repair work wait for cooler weather?
– Aeroflot, Russia’s national airline, not only uses vintage, 1960s era Soviet airplanes, but allows passengers to smoke freely in the bathrooms. They also feature female flight attendants who could easily land positions as offensive guards with any NFL team. And, god knows what type of food they serve. It defies description.
– Mineral Vody in Southern Russia has already been named one of the world’s top five worst airports (I’m surprised to hear there are four other airports that provide even worse customer service). I’d liken Mineral Vody to Manhattan’s Penn Station at its absolute worst. Imagine the hottest possible mid-August day when all train service has been suspended because of yet another Amtrak signal problem. All of a sudden, though, one train miraculously begins receiving passengers and thousands swarm one small entrance portal. That’s Mineral Vody International Airport. The place reminded me of an NHL ice hockey game with 3,000 passengers hip checking and body slamming their way into the 150 or so available seats on the one departing flight to Moscow.
– And, speaking of Moscow, there’s a city that bore all the characteristics of a metropolis laid low by nuclear winter. Air temperatures stagnated above 100 degree for the fifth straight week. Carbon monoxide fumes, in combination with the soot and ash from rampant forest fires, restricted visibility to a city block or less. Moscovites who could find them wore surgical masks to mitigate the intake of carcinogenic materials in the air. We tourists dealt with it. Oh, and the sun reminded me of an ‘about-to-die’ 60-watt light bulb that barely penetrated the murky atmosphere.
– When picking up a few essentials at a local St. Petersburg supermarket, I was asked by the cash register attendant if I'd like a bag. "Da," I replied with a smile. She promptly threw one in my face.
Getting out of Dodge was no treat either. The fine folks at Moscow’s international airport were next to useless in terms of helping us find our KLM check-in counter. To wit, our queries elicited such responses as:
– "KLM is in Terminal F."
– "Who told you KLM is in Terminal F? It’s in Terminal E."
– "You’re in the wrong terminal. Next!"
– At Terminal E, we finally found a KLM gate agent who said: "Where you want to go? JKF? What that?"
Russia may be the most insular society I’ve yet to encounter. The many residents with whom I spoke have no interest in geopolitics, the U.S., Obama, or bin Laden (one mountain guide shrugged his shoulders when asked about bin Laden and sighed, “He’s your problem now.”).
From a personality standpoint, Russians seem to come in two varieties: warm and engaging or lobotomized robots. They either hug and kiss you or simply ignore you. There is no happy medium.
The more I see of foreign countries and cultures, the more I appreciate what we have here in the U.S. Whether it’s Singapore, Malaysia, Tanzania or Russia, there really is no place like home (which, coming full circle, was one of the signature lines from the 1939 classic, ‘The Wizard of Oz’).
So I end by saying, “Spasibo and dasvedanya, comrades. Give me a buzz if you’re headed to Russia anytime soon. The sanity you save may be your own.”
I watched the documentary on the KLM flight home. It’s outstanding. Re: Russia, don’t go solely by my experiences. We happened to visit the country when it was in the midst of a perfect storm of 35 straight 100 degree plus days, rampant forest fires and trapped carbon monoxide in the atmosphere. Now, apparently, the forest fires are reactivating the radioactive fallout from the Chernobyl disaster. Russia’s well worth a visit. I’d just wait a year or so.
Welcome home, Rep. What a shame about Russia. Moscow and St. Petersburg are — well, perhaps, were — places that we really wanted to visit. I guess that we’ll stick with Helsinki and the Baltics.
By the way, WNET recently aired a documentary on Beatles fans in the USSR. Check it out at http://www.thirteen.org/beatles/.
I remember that one well and it is my worst nightmare come true as I can’t see a thing without my glasses.
It was indeed an epic adventure and had all the earmarks of a Rod Serling classic. Btw, my favorite Twilight Zone episode is the one with Burgess Meredith, who plays a bookish bank teller, eats his lunch inside the bank vault and is the only person to survive a nuclear holocaust. He staggers around the ruins until he locates a library and smiles contentedly knowing he’ll have all the time in the world to read every book. Then he breaks his glasses.
Welcome back RepMan! This truly sounds like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Remember the Telly Savalas and Elizabeth Montgomery episode. Or the one with the brutal heat and the lightbulb. I will take that trip off the “to do” list. Can’t wait to hear more when we see you.
You might want to reconsider a visit after the fires and monoxide poisonings dissipate, Julie. The Beatles are absolutely adored in Russia. St. Petersburg has several ‘underground’ Beatles museums and Moscow features a replica of the Cavern. Joe-Joe’s always on their minds.
Hey Steve – thanks for the education… I don’t feel so badly now for never having put Mother Russia on my vacation list… I’ll stick with England and France!
Back in the USSR… You don’t know how lucky you are, boy… Back in the USA!