So, are you here for the Dowling wedding or the Harris funeral?

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I've read about interesting line extensions in my time, but the Community Life Center (CLC) at the Washington Park East Cemetery in Indianapolis may take the cake (wedding cake, that is).

It seems that funeral parlors such as CLC, desperate for steadier income (c'mon, guys, can't you hurry up and die a little sooner?) are re-positioning themselves as, are you ready for this, event centers! Sure, death is an event, and a terminal one at that. But, places such as the Flanner & Buchanan Funeral Center now play host to weddings, birthdays, anniversary parties, holiday parties and proms (talk about “Mary Jane's Last Dance”!).

I guess one could call these line extensions creative, but I call them creepy. And, just imagine if simultaneous events are being held at a one of these community centers and the attendees become confused (this has a Adam Sandler/Ben Stiller comedy written all over it). I can just envision the mix-ups:

– '”Do you wanna dance? God, for someone so hot your hand is so cold.”
– “Kids, don't eat all the birthday cake. We'll need some for grandpa's wake across the hall.”
– “Do, you, Pamela MacFall, take the deceased to be your husband…”

This is a beautiful thing. And, it opens up so many new opportunities for Owen Wilson-type wedding crashers. Hell, a guy could crash seven distinct events in the same day and in the same venue. Now, that's what I call value add.

So, here's to the new world of community centers and their re-defining the entire concept of cradle to grave marketing. I, for one, am dying to visit one in the near future.

Tip o' Repman's bicycling helmet to Greg Schmalz for this suggestion.

6 thoughts on “So, are you here for the Dowling wedding or the Harris funeral?

  1. I can just imagine, RepMan, that someone attending the wedding reception steps up to the bar and says, “I’ll have a cold one.”
    “Sure,” says the bartender. He certainly won’t have far to go to find one.