Krispy Kreme is pleased to announce we’ll be awarding special prizes to any runners suffering strokes or heart attacks during today’s run

Polls_KrispyKremeCake2_1755_385816_answer_3_xlargeThere’s gross. There’s negligent. There’s just plain stupid. And, then there’s the Norcross High  School Relay for Life.

Intended to raise money for charity (which is always a good, wise and noble thing), this particular race is underwritten by Krispy Kreme doughnuts. And, if there’s one foodstuff that makes a Big Mac seem healthy in comparison, it has to be a Krispy Kreme doughnut. In fact, I have to believe the average KK doughnut packs more calories than an AK-47 does bullets. And, I can only imagine the immediate and profound damage inhaling one, if not six, of these caloric-laden mounds of mush must have on the cardiovascular system.

But, why should a runner’s health, nutrition and wellness concerns stop Norcross High School and Krispy Kreme from staging a race that requires competitors to eat a half dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts halfway through!  Are they serious? Never mind the long-term damage. Ever try running on a full stomach? It’s not fun. Ever see The Office episode in which Dwight and Michael conspire to ensure the latter wins the Dundler-Mifflin 5k race by having Michael load up on carbohydrates by consuming a plate of pasta just before race time? It wasn’t pretty.

Krispy Kreme’s race sponsorship deserves immediate enshrinement in the Repman Marketing Hall of Shame. It also belongs on Letterman’s Stupid Human Tricks segment (if such a segment existed).

On the other hand, if Krispy Kreme can sponsor runs, why can’t Lucky Strike cigarettes sponsor long-distance cycling races? And, how about Absolut Vodka awarding cash prizes to mountaineers who can consume a fifth of vodka en route to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro? The possibilities are endless.

So, how about it, Rep readers. Gimme some of your suggestions on corporate sponsorship ideas from hell. We did well with the recent soy industry re-positioning taglines. But, that was a walk in the park compared to this atrocity. So, let’s have at it. And, if possible, please consume six doughnuts before posting your ideas. Distended stomachs can produce a lot of hot air.

And  a big starter’s gun shoutout to Greg Schmalz for this post idea.

8 thoughts on “Krispy Kreme is pleased to announce we’ll be awarding special prizes to any runners suffering strokes or heart attacks during today’s run

  1. Love it, Julie. Alternatively how about Tiger Schulmann Karate sponsoring piano playing retreats for Julliard students?

  2. Corporate Sponsorhip Idea from HELL:
    PETA fundraiser sponsored by the National Cattleman’s Beef Association…or any dog food company.

  3. Nice, jkwestport. That client was so special in so many ways. Your comment reminds me of a St. Patrick’s Day 10-mile race I did a few years back. A local bar that was one of the sponsors actually handed out hot dogs and beer to runners as we crossed the finish line. And, this was at 9:30am no less! At least they weren’t pulling a Krispy Kreme and forcing us to consume that nastiness at the midway point.

  4. Peppercom used to have a client that bartered unsold merchandise. One of my favorite items in their showroom was “Sport Shots,’ various liquors packaged in a plastic sports bottle. So, as you’re rounding mile 10 in your next 1/2 marathon, you can take few quick gulps of Peppermint Schnapps.

  5. Please post: “Thanks Maybe consumption of so many doughnuts has dulled the minds of Krispy Kreme’s marketing team? I’m hard pressed to think of another reason for such a profoundly stupid idea.

  6. Thanks Light30n. Great idea re: Starbucks and a meditation retreat. BTW, I could never imagine doing publicity for Krispy Kreme. Talk about being part of the problem and not the solution!

  7. So I’m reading this and I’m thinking, OK, it’s for charity and could be a great way for KK to confront the negative health aspects of its products by promoting exercise and responsible consumption. And then I got to this: “a race that requires competitors to eat a half dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts halfway through.”
    Talk about a missed opportunity. I’ll second the nomination for the Repman Marketing Hall of Shame.

  8. I can’t imagine consuming anything like this before or during a long run. My usual pre-run meal is one toasted cinnamon raisin english muffin with peanut butter on it, and sometimes even that feels heavy. I can’t even drink Gatorade during bike rides – stomach cramps! As for outrageous sponsorship ideas, how about Starbucks or Five Hour Energy sponsoring a meditation retreat?