Ten days to go!

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Harold-campingAccording to Bible scholar and Family Radio personality Harold Camping, Judgement Day will occur  on May 21, 2011. (Note: Harold & Co. spell judgment with an “e” so RepMan is compelled to honor their mistake. But me wonders if their math is off too…?) That's right. We have 10 days until “The Rapture” begins. But, don't sweat it too much. May 21 may be Judgement Day but, says Camping, we have until October 21, 2011, before God actually destroys the entire earth. Whew. That was a little too close for comfort.

Camping bases his calculations solely on God's predetermined time line. That's the one that began when 'He' created the world in 11,013 B.C. and will come crashing down this coming October 21st (and, isn't it a real bummer that He couldn't wait until AFTER Halloween to end things? There's nothing merciful about this god).

As proof that the end is well nigh on hand, Camping cites such “biblical prophecies” come true as:

– the complete degradation of the Christian Church (I'll grant you that Catholics have, in fact, done a superb job of completely mucking things up, but who has any image issues with Methodists, Unitarians or other Christian sects?)
– the complete breakdown of society (I'll give Camping this one. 'Jersey Shore' was, in fact, the final sign that society had gone to hell in a handbasket)
– the rise of the national state of Israel in 1948 (OK. So?)
– the rise of Gay pride (this is starting to sound like the Bill O'Reilly Show).

Camping says Judgement Day will kick off with a catastrophic earthquake (Wait. Didn't that just happen in Japan?). Based upon the description Brother Camping provides though, this does sound like the mother of all earthquakes. It will “open every grave in the world and only true believers will rise to heaven.” Non-believers will chill with earthquake survivors and await the actual end of days on October 21. At least that still gives them a full summer's worth of tanning and jet-skiing. I take back my crack about His being unmerciful.

I must admit to being at a loss as to what to do in my final 10 days. Should I learn to play acoustic guitar? Nah, not enough time. Foreign language? Ditto. Ten days does not a language master make. Hey, I know, maybe I'll set my sights on stealing away a client from a large holding company. I guarantee there's a client out there right this second who's had it up to here with her account team's constant turnover, the agency's exorbitant billing and its minimal results. And, winning a $1 million account in the next 10 days would certainly qualify as my definition of rapture.

What about you? Suppose, just suppose, Brother Camping is right and Judgement Day WILL begin in less than two weeks. What would you want to accomplish between now and then? By the way, this whole end of days thing has to be a real impediment to funeral parlor recruiting. How do you attract the best and brightest to an industry whose end product will be jumping out of their respective caskets in a matter of hours? Talk about a dead end.

22 thoughts on “Ten days to go!”

  1. This is really sad to see, Allimrusso. But, thanks for sharing nonetheless. Religion leverages fear in the worst ways possible to MAKE people believe in an afterlife. But, scaring people and inciting them to either panic, dilute their life savings or both is, well, the most un-Christian thing I could imagine.

  4. Bono – i’m back on a U2 kick (the older stuff) and feel that as much as he’s accomplished musically, he really does have big picture things on his mind more than anyone else in showbiz (AIDS, world hunger, poverty). I’d also have a laugh with him about the royal cluster f*ck he got himself into as it relates to “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.”
    As for Tosh, he is hands-down the funniest guy I’ve seen in a while. Great delivery and use the web/tech. And, it’s simple.

  6. To each his own, Bubbles. FYI, Ted just told me he’d finally screw up the courage to tell Ed what he REALLY thinks about him. And, why not? No downside at this point.

  7. Folks, This isn’t “if you could travel at the speed of light, had all the money in the world and could do anything you wanted” how would you spend your last days. First, I’d get a dog. No, I’d get three dogs. And two more cats. Then I’d gather my family and laugh my ass off remembering all the funny and fun times we’ve had.

  8. Geez, RepMan, this is almost like the Twelve Days of Christmas. Here’s my count down.
    Day 10 — Never-ending feast.
    Day 9 — Party with clients.
    Day 8 — Day in Australia
    Day 7 — Day in Hawaii
    Day 6 — Caribbean cruise
    Day 5 — Party with friends
    Day 4 — Zip line in a remote location
    Day 3 — Day in the Fiji Islands
    Day 2 — Spent with family
    Day 1 — Trip to the moon

  10. Thanks Book. Let me go on the record as saying I totally respect the titles you and your fit bitches select for your monthly readings. There’s none of this suburban Long Island housewife romance trash with you ladies. I needed to get that off my chest before May 21.

  11. The book title would be difficult so I guess I will just stick with the one I’m currently reading which is The Seamstress. Romanian holocaust story. Why change my habits now. I’ll be here until October and can read a few more b/c, rest assured, I will not be one of the righteous going next Thursday. I’ll be “Left Behind.”

  17. Thanks Frank, I’ll start working on my material now: “So, a guy walks into a bar and orders seven cases of Absolut. Bartender asks why. Guy says, ‘Only seven days until the end of the world. A case a day should get me thinking this, too, shall pass.’ Cue applause meter.

  18. I’d party with the fit b*tches, spouses, significant others, families, etc., preferably down in LBI with good food, music and laughter. That would be enough. I think I’d also like to finish my book.

  19. I’d want to have lunch with the following people:
    My parents, my four sisters, Bono, Daniel Tosh, my wife and then my daughter.
    Even though the end isn’t coming, I should plan to execute on these lunch dates (at least the eight I can pull off).

  20. Sit in on every comedy act I could find. Hey, if the world is about to end, might as well drink and laugh. I’d expect a set from you, Steve.

  21. i would become a yankee fan so that i could see my team win a game or two before i die. nothing worse than dying and knowing you did so with your team made you sick each night leading up to that moment.