As if we weren’t already being bombarded by endless advertising every single second of our day, a company called DoubleTake Marketing has found a brand new venue: airport baggage carousels (insert link). That’s right: baggage  carousels. Now, there’s a brilliant idea.

According to DoubleTake, more than 70 percent of travelers check luggage every year. (Not this blogger. I need to be physically forced to check my bags.) Furthermore, DoubleTake says the average time for a bag to arrive from a plane to the carousel is 17 minutes. I’d say 45 minutes is more like it. (Note: that doesn’t include the time spent by TSA agents and baggage handlers rifling through your valuables and taking what they please or, as was the case with some disgruntled union workers at one airline, actually urinating on checked luggage).

DoubleTake says “…brands are finding baggage carousel advertising (allows) them to tell a story in a unique and captivating way.” Ha! That’s laugh out loud funny. I buy the captivating part since passengers are literally being held hostage by the airlines as they endlessly wait for their luggage to come cartwheeling down one of those chutes. But, c’mon, there’s no friggin’ way passengers want to see advertisements at, say, baggage carousel #2. Just think back to the emotions you felt the last time you were at baggage claim. I can tell you how I felt: frazzled, angry, tired, grungy and anxious. The latter emotion, of course, was being caused by a steady stream of everyone’s bag but mine barreling out of that black hole at the top of the carousel.
What type of advertiser honestly thinks a pissed off, beaten up, tired as hell passenger will spy their ad and think to themselves, “Hey yeah. I do need to buy that right now!” To wit:

-    It’s been 30 minutes since you arrived at baggage carousel #3 when you suddenly spy an ad, slap yourself in the head and exclaim, “Man, I could have had a V-8!”
-    Some 45 minutes after landing, you notice an ad for Cialis circling around and around baggage carousel #1. You stop worrying about your bag and, instead, think, “You know what? I really was in the mood back at gate 13A. If only I’d popped one of those 72-hour Cialis pills, I’d have been good to go.”
-    You’re at Newark’s baggage carousel #7 when you spot an ad for the New York State Lottery and take note of its signature tagline, “Hey, you never know.” The irony is rich as you think to yourself, “The same could be said for my bag. It could be in Houston, Boise or Phoenix. With Continental, hey, you never know.”

There are bad business ideas. Then, there are stupid business ideas. But, DoubleTake’s belief that advertisers can “…reach both the business and leisure traveler” using baggage carousels plumbs new depths of depravity.

I would never, ever consider purchasing a product or service when I’m in the foulest mood possible. And, I cannot believe any other victim of our nation’s horrific air system would feel any differently. But, that won’t deter DoubleTake from collecting some unsuspecting advertiser’s money.

What’s next for DoubleTake? Advertising along death row in a state prison? Now, that would qualify as unique and captivating (oh baby, would it ever).

I can envision DoubleTake’s trade advertisement now: “Death Row advertising. Why wait? With the rise of DNA evidence overturning so many death penalties of late, there’s a very real possibility some of today’s death row inmates may be tomorrow’s customers. Act now while there’s still plenty of institutional white space available at the Big House. DoubleTake: advertising where you least want to see it.”