The Pol Pot of supersized portions

First it was Hosni Mubarak. Then, Muammar el-Qaddafi. Now comes news there's been a coup d'etat at Burger King as well, and the King has been banished.

The media cited words such as 'creepy' and 'disturbing' to explain the king's overthrow. I'd add “…horrific role model, guilty of encouraging millions to eat themselves to an early grave”.

Ronald_mcdonald_arrestedWith the king gone, I'm hoping that, like the Arab Spring, we'll now see an Obesity Fall. And Ronald McDonald should be the first to go.

The sadistic-looking clown is public enemy number one. He's the ultimate fast food despot who, in fact, has a far creepier and disturbing side than the late Burger King. Ronald, you see, was purposely created to be a junk food version of Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck. Kids loved Ronald and, boy, did Ronald love kids (mind you, I'm not suggesting pedophilia was a motivator. To the best of my knowledge, Ronald was never ordained).

Ronald McDonald ensnared generations of unwitting kids with his mini amusement park rides, Happy Meal treats and 'life is a blast' at Mickey D's marketing campaigns. The bastard is single-handedly responsible for countless cases of morbid obesity and their associated complications. He's the Pol Pot of supersized portions.

So, here's hoping that, with the king gone, we'll now see Ronald McDonald deposed. And, let's not stop there. The Obesity Fall should include Colonel Sanders, the Pillsbury Dough Boy (who should be chained to a treadmill until he losses those multiples layers of dough) and other icons of obesity.

The king is dead! Long live sensible eating!

Now, let's round up some mercenaries, a platoon or two of paramilitary types and order a NATO air strike on Oakbrook, Illinois (where Ronald and his family maintain their palatial estate).

9 thoughts on “The Pol Pot of supersized portions

  1. I’m OK with anything that cancels out the insidious Ronald McDonald. Please leave the Pillsbury Doughboy alone, though. I learned most of my slick moves from him; he had a reputation with the ladies for being good in bread.

  2. I’d rather see the government force so-called sin taxes on Happy Meals. A $25 per meal price tag would help American shed pounds in a hurry.

  3. Superb thinking, Greg. I love the idea of whacking Ronald in a biblical manner by ‘stoning’ him to death with double Macs. What a fitting way to kill off the villainous clown.

  4. Well if they are going to put corpses on cigarette packs, can’t they put photos of hardening of the arteries on happy meals? Or morbidly obese people with the line “this will be you some day!”

  5. This may sound cheesy, but maybe we bombard Ronald with quarter-pounders and then drop him in the fryer. Let’s see if he can shake this.