Lincroft, NJ, October 17, 2011 — Man's best friend has just joined the growing worldwide protests against greed with today's announcement of the formation of 'Dogs Against Wall Street'. The grass roots effort (whose members love to graze on grass), will be headquartered here and led by canine activist and one-time U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody. “Everyone knows our sense of smell and hearing far exceeds that of man's,” explained Cody, lifting his leg on a hastily built placard that read, “Piss off, bankers!” As a result, said the controversial mutt, “…dogs have known forever that the rich have been getting richer while the poor have been getting poorer. We'll be adding what I call four-legged power to the movement.”
Cody said some 5,000 suburban dogs will descend on Manhattan's Tomkins Square Park sometime Monday afternoon. “A lot depends on how quickly our masters can drive through midtown traffic,” he confessed.
Once firmly entrenched, the pooches will join their human counterparts in marches, protests and guerilla raids on the homes of the rich. “We'll bring additional weapons to the fray,” promised Congressdog Cody. “If we spy a rich dog, we'll mount him or her on the spot. Hell, gender has never mattered anyway when it comes to establishing dominance. And, if we should catch, say, Morgan Stanley's John Mack or JP Morgan/Chase's Jamie Dimon on the street, just watch out. We'll have several dogs simultaneously mounting those rich bastards and soiling their pant legs.”
Just like their human counterparts, Cody admits Dogs against Wall Street has no solution whatsoever. “Hey, we need the exercise. Plus, many New Jersey dogs in particular are interested in viewing the new 9/11 memorial, so it's a real win-win.” The canine activist shook his hind quarters and whines when asked how protesting pooches would respond if confronted by trained police dogs. 'I'd like to think the Shepards will unleash themselves and join our cause, but Germans have always proved unpredictable throughout history."
Some analysts say the former Congressdog is merely capitalizing on the media frenzy surrounding Occupy Wall Street to test the political waters. “He's a damn smart pooch and, intellectually speaking, he's already more savvy than five or six of the top Republican contenders,” said James Carville, speaking on a special, Animal Planet edition of ‘Meet the Pooches’.
Repman bloggers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to prominence in the controversy surrounding Michael Vick's return to professional football. He subsequently rode a wave of popularity to become the country's first elected Congressdog, only to be forced to resign after texting topless photographs of himself to a cat.
Cody continues to claim the sexting scandal was little more than “feline entrapment” and “yet another example of society's liberal power structure putting down alpha males such as Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner and me. And, trust me, I freeze whenever I hear the expression 'putting down', he whimpered."