I’ve seen some godawful, unfathomable and buzzword-riddled headlines in my day, but I felt compelled to present November’s ‘Headline from hell’ award to Ms. Debbie Hayes of Ronald Trahan Associates. Congratulations, Ms. Hayes! Your headline "Arterial Remodeling Technologies (“ART”) reports that its second-generation bioresorbable stent promotes vessel lumen enlargement in post-angioplasty in vivo model" is among the most obtuse and arcane couplings of unrecognizable words and phrases I’ve seen in many a moon.
Please understand that I’ve tried my very best to make some sense out of it. And, I know that it relates, in some incomprehensible way, to heart surgery. But that’s as far as I can get. In fact, I’ve given up. Case closed. Nurse: please apply the paddles to this lifeless hulk of a headline and let’s see what happens.
That said, I’ll mail a free, top-of-the-line, seldom-worn Peppercom baseball cap to the first reader who can tell me what the heck this headline means (aside from Ms. Hayes herself. Sorry, Debbie, only one prize per customer).
I’d also invite readers to send me some classic headlines from hell you’ve come across in your daily readings. I’d love to run these gems on a monthly basis.
One final thought: while I understand Ms. Hayes probably wrote this release with, perhaps, a neurosurgeon in mind, why am I on the distribution list? I panic at the first sight of blood. But, maybe Debbie already knew that. Maybe she thinks I’d benefit from one of ART’s second-generation bioresorbable stents that promote vessel lumen enlargement in post-angioplasty in vivo models? I’ll bet the super stent, chased down by a cool glass of sauvignon blanc, would be just the ticket for an interesting evening.