Controversial canine advocate and former Congressdog Mick Cody, (pictured,) is foaming at the mouth over what he terms “…yet another Michael Vick outrage.”
Vick, the highly-paid Philadelphia Eagles quarterback who was convicted of staging illegal dog fights, is launching his own line of athletic wear, and Mick's not happy.
“This thug killed scores and scores of pit bull terriers,” said Cody, panting heavily after a three-mile walk in 90-degree temperatures. “While he may have paid his debt to society with a prison stint, Vick never should have been allowed back into the NFL,” snarled Cody as he lapped up a bowl's worth of cool water.
The ex-Congressdog bristled at the very thought of Vick's now becoming the Kim Kardashian of football. “Not content with the millions he makes on the field and in promotions, Vick will now be raking in even more loot through a clothing line,” he howled.
Cody suggested Vick's clothing line, named V7, should stand for 'violence' and 'seven dead dogs.' He also thought the apparel should include:
- Taser guns
- Cattle prods
"If nothing else, Vick's clothing line should be authentic to the man's brand. He tortured and killed many innocent dogs, so why not provide the same sado-masochistic tools once employed by Vick and his posse to the misguided fan base that still roots for him?” Mick said as he lifted a leg on his mom's prized flower garden.
The former Congressdog, who has been mentioned as a potential vice presidential candidate on the Romney ticket (to offset the negative press caused by the candidate's once having strapped the family dog to the roof of his car,) is also barking mad about Vick's charitable donation. A portion of V7 sales will go the The Boys and Girls Clubs of Philadelphia.
“The bastard doesn't even have the decency to includes canines in his money-making scheme,” whined Cody. “One would think a PR handler would have advised Vick to earmark the funds to the local ASPCA.”
Mick confirmed that, given the opportunity to meet Vick, he'd earmark, legmark and pretty much puncture any exposed portion of the star's body. “He'd be dog meat after I was done with him,” growled Cody.
Mick Cody first rose to prominence in the aftermath of the Vick controversy. An outspoken canine advocate, Cody became the first dog elected to Congress. He was later forced to resign in the aftermath of a scandal in which he texted topless photographs to a feline admirer.
Cody remains active on the speaking circuit and is available to address sales meetings, conventions and dog shows. His aide-de-camp and life partner, Rooney Cody, manages the former Congresssdog's schedule, and can be friended on Facebook at Bothdogs.
And a tip o' RepMan's climbing helmet to Greg Scmalz for this suggestion.