- Also throws a bone to Obama -
Lincroft, NJ, October 15, 2012 – Outspoken former U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody today announced he and his 'pack' of advisers stand ready to provide a complete range of psychological, emotional and physical abuse counseling to the dog recently adopted by NFL quarterback and ex-con Michael Vick.
Baying at what he said would be the first in a series of regular 'Fireside Barks' leading up to the November 6th Presidential election, the controversial canine shredded Vick while seated in front of the Cody family fireplace and munching contentedly on a Pup-Peroni.
“The very idea that a man who once tortured and killed scores of my breed is now allowed to own his own dog is beyond comprehension,” howled Cody. “Were I not inside my mom and dad's house at this very moment, I'd lift my leg on the nearest chair leg to illustrate my contempt.”
The disgraced ex-politico said allowing Vick to own a dog is akin to enabling a child molester to adopt a pre-teen. “A leopard doesn't change its spots and neither does an animal abuser,” mused Mick, ripping his dad's handkerchief to smithereens. That said,” he continued, “The Canine Coalition of New Jersey (CCNJ) stands ready to support the Vick pooch in every possible way (Note: Many feline activists have said Mick's Canine Coalition is little more than a slush fund enabling the Congressdog to buy and sell vast amounts of dog treats on the black market).
The former Congressdog also announced today he and his life partner, Rooney Cody, would be endorsing the Obama/Biden ticket. “We can't get past the Seamus debacle. In our minds (however blank they may be), Mitt is still a mutt. How can Americans trust a guy who once strapped his family dog to a car roof?”
Before wrapping up his Fireside Bark to relieve himself in the backyard and “munch on some early Autumn foliage”, Cody announced he would be holding an online barking game in conjunction with Tuesday night's second, televised presidential debate. “Every time my followers and I hear Obama call Romney a dirty dog, we'll bark out loud in support. Just imagine the impact 50 million barks will have on those bogus, real-time independent voter polls CNN runs during the election! Dogs can, and must, make the difference in the key swing states.”
Readers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to national prominence by leading a national lift your leg in protest movement against the NFL's reinstatement of Vick as a player. Estimates at the time suggested some 300 million acres of backyard gardens were ruined by the well-organized protest. Buoyed by the response, Cody ran for office and was elected the nation's first U.S. Congressdog. He was later forced to resign in the aftermath of a topless sexting scandal Cody still claims was little more than “feline entrapment.”
Cody concluded his inaugural Fireside Bark by whimpering, “I'm Mick Cody and I approved this announcement. I also approve of going for a walk right about now. Dad?”