The Team Obama TV spot has had no fewer than 60 separate airings on different networks around the country. And, PBS, the Switzerland of broadcasting, has asked that the partisan power punch be taken off the airwaves.
Aside from a rather innocuous SNL segment, no one has really stopped to ask Big Bird, Elmo or Oscar the Grouch their feelings about this tempest in a teapot. So Repman's crack editorial team stepped into the lurch and arranged for an exclusive interview with the trio at a local Manhattan bagel shop. (Note: Kermit the Frog was on assignment in the Middle East and Miss Piggy was competing to become a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.”
Repman: “So, Big Bird...”
Big Bird: "Call me BB. All my friends do.”
Repman: “Got it. So, BB, what's it feel like to be the center of a media frenzy?”
BB: “Initially, my feathers were a bit ruffled. But, now I'm liking it. I'm the Betty White of kids' programming. As George Burns once said after his late-in-life revival, I'm so old, I'm new.''
Repman: “Interesting. But, what if Romney is elected president and cuts PBS funding as he said he would?”
Elmo: “That's where I come in. Why do you think I'm always missing? I've been investing our earnings in off-shore accounts since Mitt's dad ran for President back in 1968. The three of us are worth more than Mickey, Minnie and Donald combined.”
Repman: “Wow. Talk about squirreling away one's money for a rainy day. By the way, you aren't a squirrel, are you Elmo? It's hard to tell.”
Oscar: “Are you questioning our lineage, Repman? If so, this interview is over!”
Rep: “Chill, Oscar. Chill. I thought you'd gotten over your anger issues?”
Oscar: “The prescription meds have worked wonders, but the side effects are a bitch. My legs won't stop twitching at night and I find myself with permanent dry throat. Can you get me another latte?”
Repman: “Sure. Miss? Final question for you, BB. How do you intend to capitalize on this unexpected publicity?”
BB: “They say every life has a second act, Rep, and this is mine. I'm already working on an autobiography entitled, Never Stop Growing, and the National Association of Tall People (NATP) has asked me to deliver the keynote at their annual Sky High Conference in January.”
Oscar: "Damnit, you forgot to tell him about the reality series!'
BB: “Oh yeah. We just began filming 'Flip Them the Bird.' Oscar, Elmo and I will be touring various bars in Seaside Heights, NJ, and, after doing our gym, tanning and laundry thing, will hit on atomic grenades before dumping them unceremoniously (or, giving them the bird, if you prefer). We think Elmo's going be the next Snooki.”
Repman: “Well, good luck with all that. So, how come Bert and Ernie haven't been part of this discussion?”
BB: “They've actually formed their own political party, begun a listening campaign for the 2016 election and are lining up big donors as we speak.”
Repman: “Wow! That's huge news. What are they calling their party?”
BB: “The BE Party. They're positioning themselves as the pro coffee, anti-Tea Party. Their tagline: America needs the right kind of jolt!”
Repman: “I love it! Well, you heard it here first, folks. Not only are BB, Elmo and Oscar becoming reality TV stars, but Bert and Ernie have formed their own political party! And, it's all thanks to a few, poorly chosen words from Mitt Romney. Only in America, people. Only in America."