Taglines I’d like to see

Slid111111e1Don't you wish that, just once, organizations told the truth in their taglines?

That novel idea struck me as I perused the latest propaganda from New Jersey Transit. It was a newsletter heralding a new online destination that allows riders to ascertain exactly how long their delays will be. At the bottom of the NJT missive was the dysfunctional rail line's tagline, 'The way to go.'

I shook my head at the sheer chutzpah of the statement. I know NJT is a public service with no competition whose employees are rewarded not by providing superior service but, rather, by punching a time clock. But, even so, the way to go? If NJT's tagline were an authentic reflection of the rider experience, it would be something like: 'When you have no other choice.'

NJT's laughably misleading tagline got me thinking about other organizations that promise one experience in their tagline, but deliver a very different one in reality. So, drum roll please, a list of the seven deadly sinners of tagline world (in which I first list the current tagline followed by the one the organization should be using):

1.) The Republican Party:  Actual tagline: 'We built it.'
Suggested tagline: 'Back to the future.'

2.) The New York Yankees:  Actual tagline: 'Heroes remembered. Legends born.'
Suggested tagline: 'The high cost of underachieving.'

3.) Wal-Mart:  Actual tagline: 'Save money. Live better.'
Suggested tagline: 'Raping and pillaging the local economy, one town at a time.'

4.) ExxonMobil:  Actual tagline: 'Taking on the world's toughest energy challenges.'
Suggested headline: 'Making more money than god himself.'

5.) United Airlines:  Actual tagline: 'Let's fly together.'
Suggested headline: 'Actually, let's stay right where we are.'

6.) McDonald's:  Actual tagline: 'I'm lovin' it.'
Suggested tagline: 'My HMO is loving’ it.'

7.) Comcast:  Actual tagline: 'The future of awesome.'
Suggested tagline: 'The hellishness of today.'

So, how about you dear reader? Any favorite taglines you'd like to see?

Epilogue: When my firm recently re-branded itself and came up with a new tagline, we selected: 'Listen. Engage. Repeat.' I thought 'Not that good' would be more accurate but, as my management team quickly reminded me, that brand promise was limited solely to me.

2 thoughts on “Taglines I’d like to see

  1. Time Warner Cable’s “Enjoy Better” should be “My Building Isn’t Wired for FIOS, so You’re Stuck With Us”

  2. Steve, this is funny stuff. You ever considered stand up comedy? 😉
    Of course there’s the classic NY Times tagline: ‘All the News That’s Fit to Print’ and I love the classic variation: ‘All the News That Fits, We’ll Print”
    How about Burger King’s tagline: ‘It just tastes better’? I’d suggest: ‘It just makes you fatter’
    Camel’s ‘I’d walk a mile for a camel’ could be ‘I used to be able to walk a mile.’
    Disneyland’s ‘The happiest place on earth.’ New tagline: ‘The Most Expensive Vacation on Earth.’
    Fox News: ‘Fair and balanced.’ New tagline: ‘Fair? Balanced? LOL.’
    Capital One should tweak ‘What’s in your wallet?’ to ‘What’s now in OUR wallet.’
    And finally, CNN: ‘The Most Trusted Name in News.’ New tagline: ‘The Most Trusted Name in Entertainment.’