CanineMingle.com will be breed, gender and religion agnostic
Lincroft, NJ, March 29, 2013 — The world’s first online dating service for dogs made its debut today. Called CanineMingle.com, the site bills itself as 100 percent breed, gender and religion agnostic.
The revolutionary service was created by the controversial former U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody, who will serve as chairman and CEO. The ex-politco will be joined by his former campaign manager and life partner, Rooney Cody, who will function as chief financial officer.
“I’m sick of the devisiveness I see permeating our society today,” said the former Congressdog, decked out in a Hugh Hefner-type red robe and chomping on a pipe in front of his family fireplace. “I’ve always been the leader of any pack, and CanineMingle is yet another first. It will be open to any, and all, breeds, regardless of their gender, sexual persuasion or religion.”
Cody told a gathering of media representing the political, pet and technology worlds that CanineMingle’s beta testing has been nothing short of remarkable.
“We’ve had a run of truly amazing couplings that would make any dog park pale in comparison,” howled Mick. He cited the case of Yitzak, an Israeli toy poodle who met, and fell in love with, Rasheed, a Lebanese water dog on CanineMingle.com. He also barked about Kim, a North Korean wire-haired terrier who first met Kim, a South Korean wire-haired terrier, on the beta site. “They’re now living together in complete harmony in a trench right on the 38th parallel! I’d like to see eHarmony, Match.com or ChristianMingle.com top those types of results.”
A red herring?
Beltway insiders, though, say CanineMingle.com is a thinly-disguised ploy by the ex-Congressdog to fill his war chest in anticipation of making a run (or trot, if you prefer) for the 2016 presidential election.
When pressed by a Washington Post reporter in attendance to corroborate such gossip, Cody nipped at the reporter’s hand, and drew blood. “This is about bringing lonely dogs together in a safe, and caring, environment. Period. I’ve made my last political speech, and have no plans to get sucked into the morass that is Washington, D.C. Ask me another question about politics, and I’ll go for the jugular. Literally,” snarled Cody.
Before wrapping up the press briefing and going outside to ‘water the plants’, Cody addressed the religion-agnostic aspect of his site. “My left hind leg quivers in distress every time I see a TV commercial for a religion-specific dating service. Next to cats, organized religion is the single biggest reason why man continues to wage war. That’s why I was thrilled to see a truly star-crossed couple meet on CanineMingle. One is a Sunni Muslim dalmatian and the other is a Sh’ite Muslim collie. They’re the Romeo and Juliet of dog dating,” said Mick, as he made a beeline for a squirrel dashing across the backyard. “Gotta run, guys. But tell your dogs to register ASAP!”
Repman readers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to prominence in the aftermath of the Michael Vick dog-fighting scandal. He later rode a tide of acclaim to become the very first canine to win a seat in the U.S. Congress. Mick was later forced to resign in the aftermath of a sexting scandal that involved his allegedly sending topless photographs of himself to a cat. Cody continues to proclaim his innocence to this day, saying it was a case of entrapment.