More like one minute to midnight

Evil-clown-mcdonalds-30871145-320-304In a desperate ploy to turn around its worst quarterly sales report in more than a decade, McDonald's is finally taking off the gloves and going all out to fatten up consumers around the world.

Starting immediately, diners can order pancakes or hash browns to go with their Happy Meal 24 hours a day! The fast food behemoth’s so-called ‘After Midnight’ program will enable customers to mix and match breakfast items with those from the all-day menu. So, one could go with eggs, bacon, a double cheeseburger and fries, and wash down the whole ungodly concoction with a supersized Coke. Life doesn’t get much better than that.

And, get this, McDonald’s addicts in Japan can order something called a Mega Potato. That’s a Godzilla-like serving that features an artery-clogging, heart-stopping 1,142 calories! That’s more calories than one can find in two Big Macs. Wow. Thanks, Ronald!

McDonald’s is in panic mode because Millennials are choosing other fast food options. According to industry analysts, Millennials are more price conscious than their elders AND prefer personalized, healthier chains such as Shake Shack that enable them to create, and watch, their own low-calorie meals being made right before their eyes. Based on this new trend, it seems to me McDonald’s should instead call their campaign ‘One Minute to Midnight.’

Eating (and talking) out of both sides of their mouth

I wouldn’t find the latest Mickey D offensive so offensive if the Fortune 500 mega company didn’t also wrap itself in the cloak of corporate social responsibility. So, while it touts such programs as the Ronald McDonald House which do, in fact, help prolong lives and fund cancer research, McDonald’s continues to playing a leading role in causing obesity with these After Midnight promotions. That’s corporate double-speak.

I have a stand-up comedy routine that calls for more authenticity in advertising. I joke that many organizations would, in fact, be 100 percent transparent in their advertising campaigns if they only added one word. For example:

    -In the aftermath of United’s merger with Continental airlines, they ran ads proclaiming; ‘It’s not who’s merging that counts. It’s what’s about to emerge.’ Had they only added the word chaos, United would be telling the truth.
    -New Jersey Transit’s slogan is: ‘Getting you there.’ That brand promise would be 100 percent accurate if the transportation monopoly added the word eventually.
    -McDonald’s current slogan is: ‘I’m lovin’ it!’ In light of the After Midnight program, I suggest they add two words to the tagline: to death.

4 thoughts on “More like one minute to midnight

  1. Now, that’s what I call strategic partnering, Joe. The world would be a better place if fruit cups were easier to open.

  2. McDonald’s does have easy opening packages.
    Then again, that might not be a good thing.
    Maybe you can get their packaging person to link up with your fruit cup packaging person.

  3. Couldn’t agree more, Steve. Having just read about Dunkin’s new glazed breakfast sandwich – fried egg and 2 slices of bacon between a sliced glazed donut – it appears fast food marketers focus solely on short-term, rather than sustained profit since frankly, ridiculous items like this will eventually kill their customers. America Runs (to the ER) on Dunkin.