PEPPERCOMM NAMES GEORGE WASHINGTON CHIEF ETHICS OFFICER

New York, April 1, 2014 — Peppercomm today announced that George Washington, the nation’s first president, had joined the firm as chief ethics officer.

The position is Washington’s first since passing away in December, 1799.

April fool aaaaaaassaWashington with Peppercomm Co-founder and CEO, Ed Moed.

Steve Cody, Co-founder of CEO of Peppercomm, noted that Washington was selected after a lengthy interview process.

“We knew every global agency had already cornered the market on any living ex-politico, so we decided to dig deeper as it were,” he explained.

Stiff Competition
Cody said that, in addition to Washington, his firm had interviewed many other deceased candidates, including:

- Winston Churchill (“The cigar-smoking was a deal-breaker.”)
-  Mahatma Gandhi (“The sandals revealed surprisingly ugly feet that we felt would be off-putting to clients.”)
- St. Francis of Assisi (“The man turned out to be a one-trick pony. His only real area of expertise was animals.”)

Cody said that, like so many other former Inside-the-Beltway types, Washington would serve as both an adviser to current clients and help with new business development.

“That said, we’re not letting George near any clients or prospects in the oral hygiene field,” noted Cody. “I’ve seen some bad teeth in my day, but George’s are beyond the pale. Literally.”

Like quite a few other Peppercommers, Washington will telecommute from home. “He’ll continue to be headquartered in his Fairfax, Va., grave, but will periodically visit our offices or join a new business team on-site when needed.”

Roles & Responsibilities
Cody expects Washington to have an immediate impact on the firm’s culture as well as its ability to serve clients.

“What other agency can say they have an ethics officer who won a war, served as the first president of his country AND never told a lie?” mused Cody. “No offense, but not even that annual Trust Barometer can trump George’s cherry tree story.”

When asked to comment on his new assignment, Washington responded to reporters’ questions by knocking once for ‘yes’ on a Peppercomm conference room table and twice for ‘no.’

Based upon those knocks, Washington indicated he is pleased to once again be contributing to society, believes that slavery was, indeed, wrong and still sees the Beatles as little more than a passing fad.

George 2.0
The former president has already activated multiple social media channels including his own Facebook page, LinkedIn profile and a blog entitled, ‘FirstInTheHeartsOfHisCountrymen.com.” His Twitter handle is @RottenTeeth.

Martha, Washington’s wife, is less than thrilled with the former president’s presence on Twitter. “She’s worried I might become the next Anthony Weiner,” he grinned, exposing a mostly toothless upper jaw. “And, she told me she’d leave me for Benedict Arnold if I ever started to Snap-Chat.”

Peppercomm is an integrated strategic communications firm headquartered in New York, with offices in London and San Francisco. Washington is said to be advocating for a fourth office to be opened in Valley Forge, Pa.

10 thoughts on “PEPPERCOMM NAMES GEORGE WASHINGTON CHIEF ETHICS OFFICER

  1. I fully support this appointment and am very excited to start working with him!

  2. Steve — more of a Patriot (but really a Jets fan). Give me ethics or give me….

  3. Julie: The former Congressdog has been devoting most of his energies in organizing a tri-state canine boycott of NY Jets games now that Michael Vick is on the team. He also says he prefers the rough-and-tumble world of politics to what he called the “pussycat” world of PR. Matt: to answer your question, Sam Ford did nominate Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee for the ethics office spot, but the Radical Reconstructionists who dominate our executive committee, dismissed both nominations without much of a discussion.

    • I’ve heard that John C. Calhoun actively wants to be your agency’s chief humanist. To steel himself for working at Peppercomm (without even an interview), Calhoun even watched “12 Years A Slave” some 36 times.

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