Like you, I receive countless unsolicited spam solicitations. Unlike you, I not only like to engage with some of the more bizarre inquiries but revel in both escalating the conversation and invariably dragging the long-suffering Ann Barlow, our West Coast president, into the hapless salesman’s pitch. Ann, in turn, will sucker some other Peppercommer into the spamming merry-go-round and off we go. And, I’ll make sure my assistant, Dandy Stevenson, provides an administrative assist if the need should arise.
It’s great fun, no harm is done and, in fact, my frivolous exchanges produce a very positive side effect. Once the spammer finds out he’s been pranked and has wasted tons of time chasing a bogus lead, he permanently deletes me from his database. As George W. Bush would say, “Mission: Accomplished.”
Here’s just one recent example of how the process works:
From: Ronald Puar
To: Steve Cody
Subject: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Dear, friend!
OIL BARGE FOR SALE IMMEDIATELY – VERY GOOD CONDITION – PRICE: Rp 2 Billion ( Nego )
VISIT: www.mycaputra.com/barge
NB: we also sell
Tugboat ( 2004 )(1 unit)
Barge 300 ft ( 2004 )( 1 unit)
Price: Rp 27 Billion – Nego
Tugboat ( 2005 )(2 unit)
Barge 300 ft ( 2005 )( 2unit)
Price: Rp 24 Billion – Nego
* Ship Particular will send based on request
Best regards,
Ronald
Mobile: + 62 87877401252
From: Steve Cody
To: ‘ronpuar@mycaputra.com’
Cc: Ann Barlow; Dandy Stevenson
Subject: Re: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Hi Ronald: The tugboat might be of interest. Where is it moored? I’m copying Ann Barlow, who heads our maritime division and has some two decades of experience as a ship’s mate on various SF/Bay area tugs. Can you two connect? Also, can you help with crew recommendations?
Best,
Steve
From: Ann Barlow
To: Steve Cody; ‘ronpuar@mycaputra.com’ <ronpuar@mycaputra.com>
Cc: Dandy Stevenson
Subject: RE: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Thanks, Steve, and hello, Ronald.
I don’t think an oil tug is in the cards for us just now. We’re still helping pay for the clean up last month’s spill in the Bay, and their may be fines involved. Of course, Steve, if you’d put a competent captain in charge we wouldn’t be in this position.
Ann
From: Steve Cody
To: Ann Barlow; ‘ronpuar@mycaputra.com’
Subject: Re: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Ronald: this sort of attitude is indicative of why we don’t seem ready to move forward with the tug. We’re having constant turnover because of “ol’ peg leg” (as the mates refer to Ms Barlow). Do you get involved in martime talent recruitment as well, Ronald?
Steve
PS: nice spelling of “there” Ms Barlow. Ronald, would you agree that ship’s captain literacy is at an all-time nadir?
From: Ann Barlow
To: Steve Cody; ‘ronpuar@mycaputra.com’
Subject: RE: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Mind you, I can spell ‘piss off’ just fine.
Ann
From: Steve Cody
To: Ann Barlow; ‘ronpuar@mycaputra.com’
Subject: Re: OIL BARGE FOR SALE
Go for it. Ronald: what are the leasing terms?
Steve