Same-day Brain Surgery

I visited my local neurologist last week to have him read a brain MRI. Not surprisingly, he said he could find absolutely nothing going on in my head. I told him people had been saying the exact same thing for years.

Today’s tale, though, occurred in the neurologist’s waiting room some 45 minutes before he’d tossed my X-Rays at me, chuckled and said, “Go home you rascal. You’re healthy as a horse.”

As I was biding my time in said waiting area (and, exactly what is a “bide” and who decided to associate it with the words “my time”?), I spotted a poster and framed article.

Both carried banner headlines: “Same-day Brain Surgery.”

More than a little intrigued, I scanned them for information. Then, being the impulsive guy I am, I acted on impulse. I sidled up to the reception area. A dour, doughty woman (DDW) looked up at me:

DDW: “How may I help you?
Me: “Tell me about the same-day brain surgery.”
DDW (now slightly animated): “Oh yes, Dr. Olson had invested in cutting-edge (ouch) equipment and can now have you in and out on the same day.”
Me: “I frequently have to check my iPhone for messages. Would that be an issue?”
DDW: “During the surgery it would, yes.”
Me: “I’m also a very busy guy. Could I get this to go?”
DDW: (No response).
Me: “I’m thinking I stop by before 9, pick up the scalpel, sutures, micro chain saw and, of course, a hand mirror so I can see what I’m doing. Then, I’d have everything back to you by 5pm.”
DDW: “No. There’s no brain surgery to go.”

I shrugged my shoulders and sat down. But, then, I thought, what a great line extension for a Burger King or McDonald’s. They partner with local brain surgeons who can perform this delicate operation and obtain his instruments.

Then, after one of their morbidly obese customers pulls up to the drive-by and orders her Double Whopper and fries, she can add, “Oh, can you toss in one of those same-day brain surgery kits, Sugar? The gals in my book club are just raving about it. Oh, and, just to be safe, supersize the micro saw. The gals always kid me about my having a big head and, well, you just can’t be too careful these days.”

Happily, I’m not in need of same-day brain surgery but, from a genetic standpoint, I know the time will probably come when I will be in need of same-day open heart surgery.

I just hope BK is ready when I am. In fact, what a great opportunity to widen their target audience. I can just imagine their tagline: “Killing the body. Saving the mind.”

Isn’t modern technology a wonderful thing?

3 thoughts on “Same-day Brain Surgery

  1. Nice touch. I know McDonald’s reinforces their brand positioning by allowing customers to choose from a wide variety of brain surgery tools. Special orders don’t upset them.