The perfect wedding gift

Burger_1745885aWell, RepMan readers, June is only a few days away. And, aside from bee stings and longer days, the month of June is synonymous with weddings.

Yes, Virginia, June is packed tighter with weddings than a NJ Transit train during rush-hour.

Weddings are especially stressful on the parents but, especially so on the father of the bride.

In addition to escorting his lovely daughter down the aisle and shelling out God knows how much loot for the event, dad (and mom) are also expected to give the new couple a gift to help them get a fast start on their long journey together.

In my case and, I’m guessing in the case of most parents, that final gift involves a tidy sum of money.

But, that’s not the case with one clearly, well-heeled dad (who is also gifted incredible powers of observation).

As you’ll see, this guy has been watching the entire event like a hawk, especially the reception where he notices his daughter and newly-minted son-in-law have been dancing like it’s 1999, making the rounds of tables to receive hearty congratulations and hefty checks, and otherwise soaking in every moment of their special day.

But, dad knows they’ve missed something essential: a good meal.

So, in one of the most touching moments in TV commercial history since Mr. Clean appeared out of nowhere to mop-up a dirty, disgusting kitchen floor at the last possible second, dad saves the day.

What did Dad do? Give them one last humongous check that will pay their bills well through Trump’s second term? Two tickets to paradise? Job offers for each at his Wall Street investment banking firm?

No sir. Click this link to see what dad actually bought the kids.

That’s right, he got them double cheeseburgers and fries (set on a sterling silver set that I’m guessing dad instructed the driver to return afterwards).

Yes, he knew the kids had had no time to eat so, being the thoughtful human being he is, dad made sure the bride-and-groom had an opportunity to inhale some 2,500 calories each, and wash down the artery-clogging contents with Supersized Cokes. Yummy!

Happily, he can now rest easy. Dad’s job is done. He paid for the wedding, escorted his beloved his baby down the aisle and now played a small, but important, role in addicting the young couple to the world’s least healthy food.

Since weddings are rich in tradition, I have to believe that, some 25 years hence, the new groom will find himself in a similar predicament as his eldest daughter prepares for her first nuptial. But, happily, the precedent has already been set.

He’ll have double cheeseburgers, fries and Supersized Cokes set-up for a new, and unsuspecting, couple soon-to-become fast food junkies on their own.

Note: The only thing dad number one missed was having the limo driver dress as Ronald McDonald. Now, that would have been a wedding experience for the ages (however shortened those lifespans may be).

And a tip ‘0 RepMan’s short order cook cap to Tommy “Big Mac” Powers for this idea. 

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