My unrequited request

fingers.The news reports from the Consumer Electronics Show (otherwise known as “The Woodstock of the Nerds”) are chock full of articles about the impact of artificial intelligence on virtually every new product on display.

And yet Apple’s iPhone keypad remains frozen in the year 2012. It also remains at the top of my unrequited holiday wish list.

Please fix the damn thing. Or can some Zuckerberg wanna-be do so and steal the entire market? Please.

The iPhone keypad exists to exacerbate the angst in a world of uncertainty (great new tagline, BTW). It distorts, dismays or embarrasses the sender while totally confusing the reader.

Case in point: Not too long ago a pleased as punch client sent a highly complimentary e-mail to our entire team in which she praised their “sexual efforts.” Now, we pride ourselves on being a full service agency but that’s clearly above and beyond the call of duty.

Naturally, the client was mortified by her mistake and quickly apologized. But, the damage had been done. The Apple iPhone autocorrect had claimed yet another victim.

In fact, unless one is a president-elected gifted with unusually small fingers, typing a grammatically correct e-mail, Tweet or text is akin to stopping North Korea’s nuclear plans. Ain’t gonna happen.

To wit, I’ll write the next paragraph without checking autocorrect at all. Wish me luck:

“Vexbeen. Hear to be both a Jets and Mets fan. s a result, I’ve grown accustomed tonmisery and biting into false expectations. But I also think Mets and Heys fans are better equipped to face the uncertainties of life after January 20th because we’ve been tough to ecboect a bleak future.”

The preceding graph concerned the unexpected benefits of being a lifelong Mets and Jets fan in a Post Truth world.

So, how about it, Apple? Can you set aside a billion dollars or two to fix this horrific design? Ironic that the company that’s become synonymous with beautiful design turns out to be the ugly duckling of virtual communication.

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