I’ll bet that headline stopped you in the midst of your cereal of granola, soy milk and sliced bananas.

It’s completely false, of course, but I predict we’ll be reading a similar headline after the deep-pocketed sports drink industry has had an opportunity to digest a new finding from researchers at the North Carolina Research Center Campus of Appalachian State University in Kannapolis (how’s that for a mouthful? What’s the school nickname? The Polysyllabic Panthers?).

Anyway, school researchers conducted a series of exhaustive studies (are there any other kind?) of cyclists to determine if water, sports drinks or good, old bananas provided the most benefits for athletes after they completed their routes.

The studies were funded by Dole Bananas who naturally, claimed they had had no involvement in “the study design, data collection and analysis, decision to publish or preparation of the manuscript.” Sure. And, I never pick up a stray dollar bill when I see one on a street corner.

Anyway, here’s the link to the entire column.

I’ve always been a big fan of bananas after scaling a mountain, completing a century bike ride or putting in an intense hour of heavy weights and floor exercises. They taste great and you can literally feel Your exhausted body slowly reactivate. The sports drinks, on the other hand, taste like slightly better versions of Mountain Dew. And, as you know, they’re chock full of artificial sugars, flavorings and chemicals.

The only downside to the all-natural banana is they may cause bloating which, researchers from the unpronounceable school observed, “…..might dampen some athletes’ enthusiasm.” True, but the same can be said of the Boston Marathon’s infamous Heartbreak Hill.

The beauty of studies that single out multi-billion dollar industries such as sports drinks is they elicit an immediate, pit bull response that mocks the original research, underscores the countless benefits of the products under attack and absolutely pillory the credibility of the original research.

Hence my prediction that GatorAde and the rest will soon be issuing a press release announcing new research (from, hopefully, a more easy to speak and read university, that shouts):

“Bananas Found to Have Been Cause of the Bubonic Plague.’”

I’m not a fan of self-help gurus.

Their modus operandi mirrors the value proposition firms such as Bain, Booz-Allen have peddled for years: They study your problem, tell you what you already know and then charge you a few millions dollars to implement the changes they recommend.

Tony Robbins is the best-known self-help guru. He excels at superimposing a feel-good spin on conventional wisdom and then charging you beaucoup bucks for what you already know you need to do to improve your lot in life. Nice gig, no? Not always.

Recently, Tony blew it big time by NOT listening to a major issue keeping his female flock up at night: the #MeToo movement.

Instead of demanding immediate across-the-board changes Robbins, instead, chastised women for “victimizing” the issue in order to generate publicity and scoop up some quick dollars.

He was wrong. Dead wrong. But, Tony wouldn’t back down.

Just watch this video of a recent Robbins’ rally and watch him use anyone/anything else he could conjure up to defend his misguided thoughts.

As is his wont, Robbins dominated the exchange with the woman in the video who called him out for misunderstanding and undermining #MeToo.

Instead of empathizing with her, he instead obfuscated the discussion, used the loyal audience to support whatever he just said and absolutely REFUSED to apologize for his original comments.

Americans are trying to cope with the seismic issues facing them in a world gone wild. And, sadly, many turn to self-help gurus like Robbins for guidance and reassurance that everything will be just fine.

I’m fine with anyone who derives some sort of confidence and self-assurance from guys like Robbins. But, a guru has to admit fault when a guru is dead wrong. And, Robbins didn’t.

Afterword: I’ve been paying close attention to Robbins in particular for the past year or so because we hired a consultant who not only based his counsel on RobbinsSpeak, but would inadvertently e-mail us advice that still contained the guru’s name on the bottom of the consultant’s “work assignments.” Nothing like ripping off a rip-off artist.

Needless to say, our consultant’s advice routinely missed the mark. But, hey, he was just pulling a Robbins on Robbins (re-circulating recirculated ideas).

Legitimate self-help gurus can provide invaluable counsel. But, those who dismiss a powerful, and legitimate, trend risk alienating their fan following in the blink of an eye. And those who, like our now long-gone consultant, who rip-off content from others deserve a special place in hell.

Come to think of it, listening to self-help Tony Robbins lectures for eternity would certainly qualify as hell in my book.