– Remains skeptical Americans will follow suit –
Lincroft, NJ, April 26, 2016 — Former U.S. CongressDog Mick Cody (pictured below) today enthusiastically supported a new movement that grants British workers paid leave ranging from a few days to a few weeks to provide care for their new born puppies.
Called Paw-ternity care, the U. K. trend comes on the heels (paws?) of similar rulings that grant parents paid paternity leave to care for their newborns.
Cody, while seemingly ebullient about the Brits paying heed to their pups’ needs, was highly skeptical Americans would follow suit.
Yesterday’s thinking an obstacle
“Let’s call a spade a spade (and I’m not talking about that kind of spayed). There are still large pockets of Americans who allow hate and fear to drive their decision-making,” he snorted. “Threats are being made to close Muslim temples, overturn any, and all, progressive Supreme Court rulings of the past four decades and deport 11 million illegal Mexican immigrants. With that kind of 19th century thinking, what chance does paw-ternity care stand? Hell, even the illegal immigrants are held in higher esteem,” howled Cody, who noted that 99 percent of all American dogs are naturalized canines.
“While I do think the paw-ternity trend will spread like ticks and fleas among the more progressive Western nations, I doubt I’ll live to see it become a reality on these shores,” he whined.
Cody believes that, had paw-ternity care existed when he was in his formative years, there would have been no limits to how high he might have risen: “If my dad had been around to provide public relations and public affairs counseling to me when I was first shaping my political views, I very well might be winding down my second term in the White House. Instead, without a strong male role model in my life, I committed a stupid mistake, and am living out my remaining days in a Michael Dukakis-like exile.”
Cody was, of course, referring to the Anthony Weiner-like sexting scandal that brought his burgeoning political career to an abrupt halt.
The disgraced politician, our nation’s first four-legged member of Congress, was forced to resign after sexting a topless photograph of himself to a feline.
Cody initially rose to national prominence after he organized, and led, a million dog march on Washington calling for the immediate end of dog-fighting. He was also arrested several times for lifting his leg on the gates surrounding then Atlanta Falcons superstar, Michael Vick’s, palatial estate (Note: Vick was found guilty of staging dogfights in his mansion, and served prison time for his offense).
Asked if thought any of the five Presidential candidates might endorse paw-ternity in their remaining stump speeches, Mick’s ears suddenly stood straight and his tail wagged. “Yes. Yes I do. The Bern would do it. Anyone who’s bat shit crazy enough to think we can afford free college tuition with a three trillion dollar budget deficit would go for paid paw-ternity leave.”
Cody concluded his last-second press conference by saluting the British nation for always being dog-friendly. “Ya gotta love any country whose national symbol is the bulldog. Compare that with the animal we chose: An arrogant, reclusive bird that is, in fact, a serial killer.”
Cody declined to comment on the recent Cruz-Kasich coupling aside from noting that dogs ran in packs and felt also-ran presidential contenders could benefit from pursuing the same strategy.
And a tip o’ the cap to Cat Cody for this idea.