RepMan

MICK MOUNTS MILLION DOG MARCH AGAINST MITT

Also Wails About 'Wimpification' of Canines 

LINCROFT, NJ - February 17, 2012 - Outspoken former U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody today announced he'd be leading a million dog march to undermine Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney's chances in the upcoming Michigan primary.

The controversial canine says it's high time canines shine the spotlight on what he called Romney's '...heinous treatment...' of the family dog, Seamus, in 1983.

'We'll begin the march (or trot, walk, run, or canter. Take your pick.) from every corner of this great country of ours,' said the peeved pit bull, who was forced to resign from office last year after being caught texting a topless photograph of himself to a cat.

'Voters need to know that Mitt Romney deliberately strapped his dog, Seamus, to the top of his car during a long drive to Canada. I think it's the Beltway equivalent of Michael Vick's training pit bulls to fight to the death.'

Cody said the one million dogs plan to converge on Detroit in early March. Once there, he promised the dogs will run in packs along the highways, and up and down every street tearing down Romney campaign posters, defecating on them, or both. 'We'll also be lifting our legs outside every Romney campaign office in the state,' he sniffed.

The outspoken pooch says he believes dogs can, and will, cost Romney the Republican candidacy. 'People love dogs, and once more of them know what happened to poor Seamus, they'll shift their votes to a more animal-friendly candidate. Not that Newt, Rick or Ron look very friendly, mind you,' panted Mick, as he returned from a brisk four-mile walk of his own.

WIMPIFICATION OF DOGS

Cody also railed at what he called the liberal Hollywood establishment's 'wimpification of dogs.' Standing on his hind legs and activating the remote control of the Cody Family DVD, the dog showed a gathering of reporters a popular Youtube video he called, 'demeaning and degrading to all canines, no matter their breed.' 

'My master is sick and tired of Hollywood's portrayal of all men as stupid. I'm equally upset at their marginalizing all dogs by showing one weakling who happens to be scared silly of cats. The liberal elite are ruining this country,' he howled.

Readers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to prominence when he organized a march of some 100,000 dogs in protest of Michael Vick's abuse of pit bulls. Buoyed by massive national publicity, Cody then became the first dog ever elected to Congress. He later resigned in disgrace because of the sexting scandal, an incident Mick still insists was nothing more than entrapment.

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Shout out and thanks to Syd Steinhardt who sparked the idea for this post.

Dogs against Wall Street join worldwide movement; Canine Activist Mick Cody to lead

Lincroft, NJ, October 17, 2011 --- Man's best friend has just joined the growing worldwide protests against greed with today's announcement of the formation of 'Dogs Against Wall Street'. The grass roots effort (whose members love to graze on grass), will be headquartered here and led by canine activist and one-time U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody. “Everyone knows our sense of smell and hearing far exceeds that of man's,” explained Cody, lifting his leg on a hastily built placard that read, “Piss off, bankers!” As a result, said the controversial mutt, “...dogs have known forever that the rich have been getting richer while the poor have been getting poorer. We'll be adding what I call four-legged power to the movement.”

Cody said some 5,000 suburban dogs will descend on Manhattan's Tomkins Square Park sometime Monday afternoon. “A lot depends on how quickly our masters can drive through midtown traffic,” he confessed.

Once firmly entrenched, the pooches will join their human counterparts in marches, protests and guerilla raids on the homes of the rich. “We'll bring additional weapons to the fray,” promised Congressdog Cody. “If we spy a rich dog, we'll mount him or her on the spot. Hell, gender has never mattered anyway when it comes to establishing dominance. And, if we should catch, say, Morgan Stanley's John Mack or JP Morgan/Chase's Jamie Dimon on the street, just watch out. We'll have several dogs simultaneously mounting those rich bastards and soiling their pant legs.”

Just like their human counterparts, Cody admits Dogs against Wall Street has no solution whatsoever. “Hey, we need the exercise. Plus, many New Jersey dogs in particular are interested in viewing the new 9/11 memorial, so it's a real win-win.” The canine activist shook his hind quarters and whines when asked how protesting pooches would respond if confronted by trained police dogs. 'I'd like to think the Shepards will unleash themselves and join our cause, but Germans have always proved unpredictable throughout history."

Some analysts say the former Congressdog is merely capitalizing on the media frenzy surrounding Occupy Wall Street to test the political waters. “He's a damn smart pooch and, intellectually speaking, he's already more savvy than five or six of the top Republican contenders,” said James Carville, speaking on a special, Animal Planet edition of ‘Meet the Pooches’.

Repman bloggers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to prominence in the controversy surrounding Michael Vick's return to professional football. He subsequently rode a wave of popularity to become the country's first elected Congressdog, only to be forced to resign after texting topless photographs of himself to a cat.

Cody continues to claim the sexting scandal was little more than “feline entrapment” and “yet another example of society's liberal power structure putting down alpha males such as Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner and me. And, trust me, I freeze whenever I hear the expression 'putting down', he whimpered."

The Pol Pot of supersized portions

First it was Hosni Mubarak. Then, Muammar el-Qaddafi. Now comes news there's been a coup d'etat at Burger King as well, and the King has been banished.

The media cited words such as 'creepy' and 'disturbing' to explain the king's overthrow. I'd add “…horrific role model, guilty of encouraging millions to eat themselves to an early grave”.

With the king gone, I'm hoping that, like the Arab Spring, we'll now see an Obesity Fall. And Ronald McDonald should be the first to go.

The sadistic-looking clown is public enemy number one. He's the ultimate fast food despot who, in fact, has a far creepier and disturbing side than the late Burger King. Ronald, you see, was purposely created to be a junk food version of Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck. Kids loved Ronald and, boy, did Ronald love kids (mind you, I'm not suggesting pedophilia was a motivator. To the best of my knowledge, Ronald was never ordained).

Ronald McDonald ensnared generations of unwitting kids with his mini amusement park rides, Happy Meal treats and 'life is a blast' at Mickey D's marketing campaigns. The bastard is single-handedly responsible for countless cases of morbid obesity and their associated complications. He's the Pol Pot of supersized portions.

So, here's hoping that, with the king gone, we'll now see Ronald McDonald deposed. And, let's not stop there. The Obesity Fall should include Colonel Sanders, the Pillsbury Dough Boy (who should be chained to a treadmill until he losses those multiples layers of dough) and other icons of obesity.

The king is dead! Long live sensible eating!

Now, let's round up some mercenaries, a platoon or two of paramilitary types and order a NATO air strike on Oakbrook, Illinois (where Ronald and his family maintain their palatial estate).

Pit Bull outraged by Maureen Dowd column; Demands immediate apology

Outspoken libertarian and former U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody says he's outraged by the words  used in a recent column written by New York Times Columnist Maureen Dowd.

In her column, Dowd presented a woman's POV on the Anthony Weiner sex scandal. In an essay Mick describes as “otherwise brilliant”, Dowd says the average woman's view of men has transitioned from “boys will be boys” to “men are dogs”. That last line struck a real nerve with the high-profile canine, who was forced to resign his own Congressdog post after texting a topless photo of himself to a cat.
Speaking from his newly-opened back yard pool, a tanned and rested Mick was nonetheless howling mad. “Dowd's just as insensitive as the powerful men she ridicules in her column,” he said. “Why do a hatchet job on canines? What have we done to earn such contempt?”

Cody followed up with a different, but equally rhetorical, question: “How would Dowd feel if I said all columnists are squirrels? But, that's the difference between Dowd and me. You won't find this dog demeaning an entire breed for the sake of cleverness. Saying that men are dogs may be cute and cool and oh so clever, but 50 million American canines are now royally pissed off. We want an apology and we want it now.”

The erstwhile Congressdog predicted Dowd would 'pull a Weiner.' He said she'd first ignore his demand for an apology, then suggest computer hackers had changed her column's original wording and finally, just like Anthony Weiner, come clean. 

'The Times is a business and they know that dogs often bring the paper to their owners and that cats will use it for personal hygiene purposes. They'll pressure Dowd to respond. But, I'm not going to wait a week for the Old Gray Lady to force the Anti-dog Lady to say she's sorry. If I don't receive a written apology ASAP, I'll track Dowd down like the dog she is and rip a few pounds of flesh off her left-wing calf.”

Note: Repman readers will recall that Cody first rose to prominence in the aftermath of the Michael Vick/pit bull scandal. He later organized a hugely successful canine boycott of Vick's return to the NFL. Flush with the heady aroma of celebrity, Mick threw his collar into the political ring and won a New Jersey congressional seat (a position he later resigned because of the aforementioned Twitter scandal). He is currently on the speaking circuit and writing an autobiography entitled, From Back Yard to Capitol Hill: a Congressdog's Tail.

The death of the role model

Remember role models? They were the athletes, celebrities and other influencers who we looked  up to as kids. Mine included Joe Namath, Paul McCartney and Muhammad Ali. And, while each had a dark side (Joe Willie had a fondness for the ladies, Sir Paul liked his hallucinogenic drugs and Ali perfected, if not invented, trash talk), none ever purposely endorsed products that were bad for kids.

But, that was then and this is now. Now, we have role models such as Charlie Sheen, Barry Bonds and the Kardashians. They're all train wrecks. But, their personal lives aside, some of today's role models have become dangerous because they're endorsing products and services that are anything but good for our nation's kids.

Take Snoop Dogg. Please.

  An article in Monday's New York Times profiles a new advertising campaign for Blast from Colt .45. Snoop stars in the fully integrated campaign. In a YouTube video, for example, the Dogg poses in a white fur coat, surrounded by models in skimpy dress and holding a can of Blast. So what's my problem? Well, it turns out that Blast is the latest, coolest, cutest and hippest gateway beverage that introduces kids to the wonderful world of alcohol. One alcohol industry watchdog calls Blast, which comes in flavors such as grape and raspberry watermelon, an “alcopop."

Tom Burrell, author of Brainwashed: Challenging the Myth of Black Inferiority, says: “What is happening here is an obvious attempt to foist this stuff on young African-American men. Colt .45 has invested in the black consumer market for years, and if they weren't looking for an African-American audience they wouldn't be using Snoop Dogg.”

But, why should Snoop care? According to industry analysts, the flavored malt beverage category generated some $967 million last year. And, the Dogg's getting a long, green sip of that brew courtesy of his endorsements. Proving what a terrific role model he is, Snoop's been nice enough to mention Blast on his Facebook page (where he has eight million followers) and on Twitter (where 3.1 million fans follow him). He also mentions Blast in "Boom", a single in his new album, 'Doggumentary'. Daren Metropoulos, who owns Pabst, Colt's parent company, says Snoop's adoration of the toxic beverage is “...just him being a true partner and saying I'm not just an endorser.” That Snoop. What a stand-up guy!

Would Namath, McCartney or Ali have knowingly promoted gateway drugs in their prime? It's hard to say. But, I doubt it.

In the meantime, we're left with role models like Snoop Dogg who make sweet-tasting, brightly colored, highly potent alcoholic beverages seem cool to unsuspecting, underage kids. Snoop is one dog who's leading his pack astray and being paid handsomely to do so. And, here's the saddest part of the tale: we're doing nothing to stop Pabst, Colt .45 or Snoop.

Hey Mick! Ready to do four miles?

I start nearly every Saturday and Sunday with a five-mile run. Then, to prep for upcoming  climbs,   I don a 50-lb weighted vest and take my dog, Mick, for a four-mile walk.

If you think my fitness routine is excessive, think again. A new survey shows that dog walkers are much more active overall than people who don't have dogs.

According to a Michigan State University study of 5,900 people (2,170 of whom were dog owners), pooch people had higher overall levels of both moderate and vigorous physical activity than the other subjects, and they were more likely to take part in other leisure-time physical activities as well. On average, dog walkers exercised about 30 minutes more a week than people who didn't have dogs.

There's no doubt in my mind that my 'value add' walk with Mick has only heightened my fitness levels. And, check this cat lovers, a different study showed that dog owners were 60 percent more likely to walk for leisure than people who owned cats (put that in your kitty litter and smoke it!).

All this positive pet news has sparked an idea. Why don't McDonald's and other purveyors of empty, calorie-laden fast food partner with local rescue shelters? That way, as soon as a Mickey D patron packs on, say, 1,200 unneeded calories, he or she can burn them off by taking a brisk walk with Fido. And, who knows, maybe man and canine will bond along the way and, voila, there will be one less homeless dog in the world. They could call the program McRescue. (This has Silver Anvil Award written all over it.)

But, enough free ideas for the empty calorie folks. Mick's giving me that look again. He knows his Saturday walk is just hours away. Soon enough, he and his master will be panting away.

Congressdog Mick Cody resigns after posting 'inappropriate' photo on RoversList; Apologizes for 'mistake' but says it will 'elevate' his image in long run

Lincroft, NJ, February 10, 2011-  Congressdog Mick Cody (C-NJ) announced his resignation today  in the aftermath of a scandal created when he posted an 'inappropriate' photograph of himself on the popular animal social website, RoversList.

The political brouhaha broke late Wednesday when an unidentified feline blogger released a full transcript of her e-mail dialogue with the Congressdog. Photographs of a topless Mick were attached to one of his e-mails.

In one e-mail exchange with the cat, Mick described himself as “… a single, five-year-old, 35-pound stray who digs bones and boney felines.” Information provided on the Congressdog's website shows the pit bull terrier is actually eight years old, weighs 50 pounds, and lists Cody's younger brother, Rooney, as his “life partner.”

Cody rose to political prominence in the aftermath of the Michael Vick/pit bull scandal. Along with Rooney, Mick created the Conservative Canine Coalition and ran for Congress as a “genuine Beltway outsider” who promised to literally “bite the hand of any politician advocating for deficit spending.”

Reached for comment in between episodes of his favorite Animal Planet show, ‘It's Me or the Dog,' Mick seemed resigned to his resignation.

“Sure, I made a mistake,” he snarled. “I apologize to my family, my constituents and my breed. But, this was pure entrapment by that feline activist group.”

The former Congressdog insists he was lured to RoverList's by a feline blogger known as Kitty Whiskers. “She said she could deliver the cat vote in the upcoming midterms,” whined Cody. “Then, she said if I wanted, she could deliver a whole lot more than that. That's like dangling raw meat in front of a red-blooded pit bull like me.”

A spokescat for Forever Felines, the cat advocacy group, denied any knowledge or involvement in the incident. “We're independent creatures and would never lead on a member of another species, especially pit bulls. Yuck!”

Mick Cody sees a silver lining in what would seem to be an otherwise dark cloud. “This will elevate my image in the long run. In fact, the phone's already ringing off the hook with offers from reality TV shows. Bravo's 'Real Housedogs of New Jersey' has expressed interest. So has MTV's 'Six Months and Pregnant.' The Congressdog indicated he's also been offered a continuing role in ‘Parker Spitzer’. “They want me to sit on the governor's lap during the show and howl whenever I agree with something he's said,” added Cody.

A spokesperson for the Conservative Canine Coalition said their leader's spectacular flameout will not deter the group's future. “We'll miss Mick and wish him well, but there are 50 million dogs out there who need representation,” said Spike Drool.

Rooney Cody did not return calls from this blog.

Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs

In effort to compete with the brand new reality show from the Sundance Channel called ‘Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys’, The Canine Network (TCN) today announced it would be airing its first reality show, Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs …. (A Species Apart).

I recently caught up with the show’s creator, co-producer and star, Mick  Cody. Mick had just finished a strenuous backyard workout with his mom and was having his muddy paws cleaned as we began our chat…

Rep: ‘Mick, thanks again for finding time to meet with me. Man, are you ever panting!’
Mick: ‘Yup. My mom really puts me through my paces. She’s a personal trainer.’
Rep: ‘So I’ve heard. So, tell me about your new reality show, Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs …. (A Species Apart).
Mick: ‘Sure. The impetus was human reality TV programming. My co-producer, Rooney Cody and I are totally really fed up with it. This latest nonsense about girls who like boys who like boys was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or, the stick that broke the dog’s back, if you prefer. So, we decided to produce a program that would simultaneously mock human reality shows while taking the entire genre to a whole new level.’
Rep: ‘Do tell.’
Mick: ‘I’d need a Beggin’ Strip to do that.’
Rep: ‘Damn. How many of those things do you down in a day? Fine. Here. And, lay down. You’re still panting heavily.’
Mick: (now stretched out comfortably in front of a roaring fireplace): ‘Human reality shows have gone so far beyond bizarre that they leave me speechless (literally). I mean I can respond to your command to speak, but I can’t speak per se.’
Rep: ‘I get your point. Please stay on subject.’
Mick: Sorry. Well, I mean, who cares about girls who like boys who like boys? Boys who like boys who like girls? Gimme a break. And, gimme another bone while you’re at it. Anyway, we’ve decided to go far beyond mere hetero/homo/transgender content and elevate the programming to a new level: trans species content. That’s why we’re using the subtitle: “A Species Apart.” I always loved that old Merrill Lynch tagline.’
Rep: ‘It’s bold and brash to be sure. Can you give us an idea of the plot?’
Mick: It’ll be fashioned along the lines of The Jersey Shore which, as you know, is the only TV reality show Rooney and I will watch with you. It’ll be set in our back yard. Rooney and I will have different monikers: I’m JMick and Rooney is FleaMan. We invite cats to our crib and then treat them like the scum they are. Instead of calling the ugly ones grenades, though, we’ll call them Furballs.’
Rep: ‘You have some real issues with cats, don’t you?’
Mick: ‘They serve no purpose whatsoever and are arrogant, egotistical asses. Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs will reveal the sleazy underbelly of the cat world. It’ll be positively groundbreaking. And, speaking of ground-breaking, I need to go out again. Would you mind?’
Rep: ‘Not at all. Best of luck with Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs. I’d use the old showbiz expression ‘break a leg,’ but I know that can be fatal with canines.’

RepMan’s Recommended Readings

Every now and then, I come across a book that alters my point of view on a subject or provides fresh thinking that stops me dead in my tracks. When those seminal events occur, I like to share what I’ve stumbled upon with others. And, in this case, all three recommended readings touch on image and reputation in some way, shape or form. So, drum roll please, here are three recommended reads for your summer pleasure:

1.)    “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. Regardless of your religious persuasions and beliefs, you owe it to yourself to read Dawkins’ treatise on creationism vs. evolution. He explores both the Old Testament and New Testament as well as the Koran, the writings of Confucius and every other latter-day spin-off (think Joseph Smith, Sun Myung Moon, etc.) In the text, Dawkins argues very convincingly that there is no afterlife. Dawkins doesn’t see atheism as a downer however but, rather, as a reason to live a fuller, richer life and to make the most of the precious time we have here on earth. The book is also chock full of amazing quotes, such as this one from Emily Dickinson: “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” The book also contains a fascinating chapter on Stalin and Hitler, and the possibility that the latter’s Catholic upbringing may have planted the original anti-Semitic views in his mind.

2.)    “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein. This is a MUST read for any animal lover in general and dog lover in particular. In my humble opinion, it runs rings around “Marley and Me”. The beauty of this book is that it’s written entirely from the dog’s, Enzo’s, point of view. In doing so, it provides some surprisingly insightful views on human behavior. “Art” also contains more plot twists and turns than a Formula One racing course but sadly, like Marley, ends with Enzo’s demise. Surprise, surprise, though, there’s a very cool epilogue that will leave you panting for more.

3.)    "100 Bullshit Jobs… and How to Get Them" by Stanley Bing. I love anything Bing writes. This 2006 handbook on the 100 easiest jobs in the world is a laugh out loud page turner. Bing skewers every occupation from personal publicist and media trainer to industrial psychologist and Tarot card reader. In the process, he ‘ranks’ the bullshit level of each job from 1-200 (with 200 being attained only by Donald Trump who, Bing says, cannot be topped for round-the-clock pure bullshit). In each job description, Bing provides such observations as ‘The Upside, The Downside and The Dark Side.’ In his description of someone who holds a top job at the strategic consulting firm, McKinsey, Bing’s upside is: “License to kill comes with the job” (referring to all the downsizing that McKinsey types do when they’re hired). The downside as: “People run away and hide in the AV closet when they see you coming” and the dark side as: “You are found with a chicken skewer through your neck at the client retreat in Boca.”

So, there you have it. Three totally different books with three totally different POVs that open one’s mind, make one think and cause one to laugh out loud. What more could a blogger ask for? Oh, one criticism of the Bing book, though: how did he not list medical supplies executive as one of the top 100 bullshit jobs of all time?

Mick Cody announces new, political party; calls 'Animals Matter' America's first serious third party movement since days of Teddy Roosevelt and the Bull Moose

Lincroft, NJ, June 16, 2010 – Noted animal rights activist, Mick Cody (who also happens to be an animal) announced today he was forming a new, third political party to be named Animals Matter. Calling it America's first serious third party since 1912 when Theodore Roosevelt split the Republican vote with his Bull Moose movement and handed the election to Democrat Woodrow Wilson, Cody says Animals Matter is the ultimate grass roots movement. 'We don't just represent grass roots ideas, we eat the damn things daily.”

Cody says Animals Matter is a direct response to the complete ineptness of humans to solve man-made problems. “In my short lifetime, I've witnessed house pets dying in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, pit bulls being savaged by Michael Vick and dolphins washing ashore on the beaches of Alabama courtesy of BP. We believe animals can do a better job,” he barked. Mick said Animals Matter will also provide a platform for animals of all kinds to posit their views on the ecological damage being wreaked by man.

“We welcome the siren calls of whales, the howls of coyotes and, yes, even the meows of cats,” said Mick. “We live, eat and breathe inclusiveness.”

Cody said Animals Matter intends to place candidates on tickets during the upcoming midterm elections and that he, himself, is weighing a run at the Presidency in 2010. “Look, Reagan was over 70 when he won in 1980. I'll be 10 in 2012. That's pretty much the same age. If Dutch can do it, why can't I?” he whined.

Cody acknowledged the need for a balanced ticket in order to attract voters in 2012. “I've appointed my long-time chief of staff, Rooney Cody, to head an exploratory committee to find the right VP. I'm looking for a savvy sea otter, a cunning chimp or maybe even an energizing eagle. Any of the above could easily whip Sarah Palin in an IQ test,” he whimpered.

Animals Matter is temporarily headquartered in the Cody backyard, which has been renamed the 'Animal Farm.' Mick says his nascent party is accepting contributions in the form of checks, money orders and dog treats.

“We will take back the environment from mankind. I may not live long enough to join my fellow animals in the Promised Land, but I've been to the top of the mountain and I've seen what lies ahead. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,” Mick growled.

Animals Matter is a non-profit organization created to advocate on behalf of animals everywhere. For more information, please call 1-800-B-A-R-K-I-N-G or go to www.mickispissed.canine.