Feb 17

MICK MOUNTS MILLION DOG MARCH AGAINST MITT

Also Wails About 'Wimpification' of Canines 

image from www.repmanblog.com

LINCROFT, NJ - February 17, 2012 - Outspoken former U.S. Congressdog Mick Cody today announced he'd be leading a million dog march to undermine Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney's chances in the upcoming Michigan primary.

The controversial canine says it's high time canines shine the spotlight on what he called Romney's '…heinous treatment…' of the family dog, Seamus, in 1983.

'We'll begin the march (or trot, walk, run, or canter. Take your pick.) from every corner of this great country of ours,' said the peeved pit bull, who was forced to resign from office last year after being caught texting a topless photograph of himself to a cat.

'Voters need to know that Mitt Romney deliberately strapped his dog, Seamus, to the top of his car during a long drive to Canada. I think it's the Beltway equivalent of Michael Vick's training pit bulls to fight to the death.'

Cody said the one million dogs plan to converge on Detroit in early March. Once there, he promised the dogs will run in packs along the highways, and up and down every street tearing down Romney campaign posters, defecating on them, or both. 'We'll also be lifting our legs outside every Romney campaign office in the state,' he sniffed.

The outspoken pooch says he believes dogs can, and will, cost Romney the Republican candidacy. 'People love dogs, and once more of them know what happened to poor Seamus, they'll shift their votes to a more animal-friendly candidate. Not that Newt, Rick or Ron look very friendly, mind you,' panted Mick, as he returned from a brisk four-mile walk of his own.

WIMPIFICATION OF DOGS

Cody also railed at what he called the liberal Hollywood establishment's 'wimpification of dogs.' Standing on his hind legs and activating the remote control of the Cody Family DVD, the dog showed a gathering of reporters a popular Youtube video he called, 'demeaning and degrading to all canines, no matter their breed.' 

'My master is sick and tired of Hollywood's portrayal of all men as stupid. I'm equally upset at their marginalizing all dogs by showing one weakling who happens to be scared silly of cats. The liberal elite are ruining this country,' he howled.

Readers will recall that Mick Cody first rose to prominence when he organized a march of some 100,000 dogs in protest of Michael Vick's abuse of pit bulls. Buoyed by massive national publicity, Cody then became the first dog ever elected to Congress. He later resigned in disgrace because of the sexting scandal, an incident Mick still insists was nothing more than entrapment.

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Shout out and thanks to Syd Steinhardt who sparked the idea for this post.

Dec 02

Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs

In effort to compete with the brand new reality show from the Sundance Channel called ‘Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys’, The Canine Network (TCN) today announced it would be airing its first reality show, Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs …. (A Species Apart).
6a00d8341c39e853ef01348470b581970cImages

I recently caught up with the show’s creator, co-producer and star, Mick  Cody. Mick had just finished a strenuous backyard workout with his mom and was having his muddy paws cleaned as we began our chat…

Rep: ‘Mick, thanks again for finding time to meet with me. Man, are you ever panting!’
Mick: ‘Yup. My mom really puts me through my paces. She’s a personal trainer.’
Rep: ‘So I’ve heard. So, tell me about your new reality show, Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs …. (A Species Apart).
Mick: ‘Sure. The impetus was human reality TV programming. My co-producer, Rooney Cody and I are totally really fed up with it. This latest nonsense about girls who like boys who like boys was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or, the stick that broke the dog’s back, if you prefer. So, we decided to produce a program that would simultaneously mock human reality shows while taking the entire genre to a whole new level.’
Rep: ‘Do tell.’
Mick: ‘I’d need a Beggin’ Strip to do that.’
Rep: ‘Damn. How many of those things do you down in a day? Fine. Here. And, lay down. You’re still panting heavily.’
Mick: (now stretched out comfortably in front of a roaring fireplace): ‘Human reality shows have gone so far beyond bizarre that they leave me speechless (literally). I mean I can respond to your command to speak, but I can’t speak per se.’
Rep: ‘I get your point. Please stay on subject.’
Mick: Sorry. Well, I mean, who cares about girls who like boys who like boys? Boys who like boys who like girls? Gimme a break. And, gimme another bone while you’re at it. Anyway, we’ve decided to go far beyond mere hetero/homo/transgender content and elevate the programming to a new level: trans species content. That’s why we’re using the subtitle: “A Species Apart.” I always loved that old Merrill Lynch tagline.’
Rep: ‘It’s bold and brash to be sure. Can you give us an idea of the plot?’
Mick: It’ll be fashioned along the lines of The Jersey Shore which, as you know, is the only TV reality show Rooney and I will watch with you. It’ll be set in our back yard. Rooney and I will have different monikers: I’m JMick and Rooney is FleaMan. We invite cats to our crib and then treat them like the scum they are. Instead of calling the ugly ones grenades, though, we’ll call them Furballs.’
Rep: ‘You have some real issues with cats, don’t you?’
Mick: ‘They serve no purpose whatsoever and are arrogant, egotistical asses. Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs will reveal the sleazy underbelly of the cat world. It’ll be positively groundbreaking. And, speaking of ground-breaking, I need to go out again. Would you mind?’
Rep: ‘Not at all. Best of luck with Cats Who Like Dogs Who Like Dogs. I’d use the old showbiz expression ‘break a leg,’ but I know that can be fatal with canines.’

Nov 23

There are no “do-overs” in sports, but in life there are

Today’s guest post is by Lunchboy, a former Peppercommer and lifetime Eagles fan. 

“Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices – just recognize them.”
-    Edward R. Murrow

M6a00d8342adfcf53ef01156f891b32970c-800wiichael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New York Giants on Sunday Night on NBC’s “Football Night in America.”  In doing so, the national discussion that is Vick continued to gain yardage in our collective water cooler chat. At last look, Google had more than 3.4 million listings for the Philly QB while Eli Manning had an average 1.5 million (see, he is just average). The Eagles also took control of the NFC East, but more on that later. 

Back in April 2007 you and I learned that Vick was implicated in an illegal interstate dog fighting ring that he bankrolled, operated on his property and took part in on fight days. The losing dogs were likely starved, raped, electrocuted, drowned or killed. I’m sure some went through it all.  Heinous crimes that you’d expect to see portrayed during parts of NBC’s “Law & Order,” not in real life by an NFL star who had a $130 million contract in his wallet.

He lost it all.  The contract with the Atlanta Falcons, numerous endorsement deals, homes, cars, etc. Everything. 

Playing defense, likely for the first time, he dealt with the court of law and public opinion, and ultimately his Leavenworth guards. For 19 months (of a 23 month sentence), he was living in an 8×10 cell.  When he was released in May of 2009 his debt to society had been paid, but he was some $20 million in debt to the Falcons, the IRS, some banks and anyone who had an opinion about what landed him in the pen. 

Except for the Eagles, every NFL team took a pass on Vick as he tried to regain employment in the industry he had once worked.  Granted, a Fortune 500 company wouldn’t ever hire a felon convicted of an accounting scandal or insider trading to its corporate finance team, but Vick never cheated his employer per se.  He only cheated off of the field during practice (by not going), film study (by sleeping), his nightlife activities (by going and not sleeping),  and ending the lives of dogs “employed” by Bad Newz Kennels.
 
Fast forward about 18 months and the man is again atop headlines.   Philadelphia, after trading Donovan McNabb away and welcoming in the Kevin Kolb era, is now starting Michael Vick thanks to injuries to Kolb’s head and psyche. Since becoming an NFL quarterback again, Vick has become a student of the game, a practice and weight room regular, a film study junkie.  There is now talk about the team being positioned to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. 

And, again, my city is divided -not over who makes the best cheesesteak- but whether or not Michael Vick deserves their support as he leads our beloved Eagles.  

Ultimately, we all have our own decision to make on this one. You could argue that he deserves the punishment that he inflicted on those poor dogs, or you could argue that our judicial system and due process ran its course and he deserves a second chance.  You could contend that there is good in his various appearances at schools when he speaks with children and young adults about dog fighting and how evil the culture is.  He’s Ron Mexico!  You could recall the gun shooting outside his 30th birthday party this past summer minutes after he left the club. Weeks ago he was captured hugging a coach in pure jubilation following a win against Eli’s brother Peyton. He scored six TDs against the Redskins!  I could go on and on…

Personally, I think Vick will always be guilty of his crimes, even as a free man.  Even without his prison jumpsuit on, he will always be looked at as a felon.  His children, his wife, every player on his team and those he faces, every coach, teacher, fan, grocery bagger, cabbie and waiter will always remember and think about what he did.  He’ll carry that as a life sentence with no chance for parole or peace of mind for a long, long time.   Honestly, that’s enough for me.   

Should he behave and continue to call all the right plays, there’s a new contract that will end his financial worries and there might even be future employment options with the NFL (an athlete/parolee ambassador?),  the US Department of Corrections (a living case study on rehabilitation?) or with the Humane Society (as an animal rights activist?). 

Before all of that happens, though, the Eagles play the Chicago Bears on Sunday.  And I’m rooting for Vick and the Eagles to win. 

Nov 22

Mick vs. Vick: When the very worst becomes the very best

Novick 6a00d8341c39e853ef01348470b581970cThe National Football League has a fascinating image and reputation  conundrum on its hands.    There's a very real possibility that ex-con, Michael Vick, the most villainous and vilified player in league history, will be named this season's most valuable player.

I thought it would be interesting to obtain a dog's POV (since Vick served 18 months in prison for betting on, and hosting dog fights at his palatial estate. Note: countless canines were tortured and killed by Vick and his posse). 

So, I turned to Mick Cody, an 8-year-old pit bull mix. An outspoken advocate of canine rights, Mick was literally panting at the opportunity to discuss Vick (if not disembowel him).

Rep: Thanks for finding time in your busy schedule, Mick.

Mick: No prob. I just finished a six-hour nap and, aside from needing to go bye-bye fairly soon, I've got a few minutes. Hey, how about a Beggin' Strip?

Rep: Sure. Here. Hey, nice catch. Great eye-jaw coordination. You're the Michael Vick of dogs.

Mick: Grrrrrrrr.

Rep: Sorry. So, what do you think about all the Vick buzz? He's an extraordinary athlete, no?

Mick: He's a murderer, pure and simple.

Rep: But, he paid his time in jail. Why not forgive and forget?

Mick: He was directly or indirectly responsible for the torture and deaths of hundreds of dogs. Considering the average pit lives for 12 human years, he should have been given a sentence of similar duration. And, he should NOT have been allowed to ever play football again! Woof!

Rep: Why not?

Mick: Because it sends the usual mixed signal you humans are so adept at. It's OK to decimate another species, spend a few months in prison and then return to a sport that pays you millions and millions of dollars annually. There’s something seriously wrong in that equation. You wouldn't ever let Dennis Kozlowski or Jeff Skilling run Fortune 500 businesses again, but you'll let a murderer play football again to sate Philly fans' insatiable need to win now. The Eagles should be ashamed of themselves. The team, not the birds. The birds are an impressive, if solitary lot. Another Beggin' Strip please.

Rep: OK. Wow, superb over-the-shoulder grab. Positively Vick-like.

Mick: Grrrrr.

Rep: Elaborate on the conditional love thing before you go bye-bye.

Mick: Sure. Eagles' fans are willing to conveniently forget all of Vick's horrible actions because he may be their ticket to The Super Bowl. That's conditional love. Me, I love you unconditionally whether you've forgotten to walk me or you've shown favoritism to my brother, Rooney. Not humans. You're the one who always quotes Paul McCartney when referencing past clients or flames: “Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight.” Me, I'll love you until I fetch my last bone or lift my last leg. That's unconditional love.

Rep: Final question. I noticed you were giving some serious paw pumps during last night's game as the Eagles dumped the Giants. Weren't you sending a mixed signal?

Mick: You raised me to love the Jets and hate the Giants. What's an obedient pooch to do?

Rep: Seems like even canines can be conflicted.

Mick: Not at all. I sleep like a log. In fact, that fireplace looks pretty, darn inviting. Later, Rep.

Jul 22

RepMan’s Recommended Readings

Every now and then, I come across a book that alters my point of view on a subject or provides
Reading-a-book-on-the-bea-001 fresh thinking that stops me dead in my tracks. When those seminal events occur, I like to share what I’ve stumbled upon with others. And, in this case, all three recommended readings touch on image and reputation in some way, shape or form. So, drum roll please, here are three recommended reads for your summer pleasure:

1.)    “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. Regardless of your religious persuasions and beliefs, you owe it to yourself to read Dawkins’ treatise on creationism vs. evolution. He explores both the Old Testament and New Testament as well as the Koran, the writings of Confucius and every other latter-day spin-off (think Joseph Smith, Sun Myung Moon, etc.) In the text, Dawkins argues very convincingly that there is no afterlife. Dawkins doesn’t see atheism as a downer however but, rather, as a reason to live a fuller, richer life and to make the most of the precious time we have here on earth. The book is also chock full of amazing quotes, such as this one from Emily Dickinson: “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” The book also contains a fascinating chapter on Stalin and Hitler, and the possibility that the latter’s Catholic upbringing may have planted the original anti-Semitic views in his mind.

2.)    “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein. This is a MUST read for any animal lover in general and dog lover in particular. In my humble opinion, it runs rings around “Marley and Me”. The beauty of this book is that it’s written entirely from the dog’s, Enzo’s, point of view. In doing so, it provides some surprisingly insightful views on human behavior. “Art” also contains more plot twists and turns than a Formula One racing course but sadly, like Marley, ends with Enzo’s demise. Surprise, surprise, though, there’s a very cool epilogue that will leave you panting for more.

3.)    "100 Bullshit Jobs… and How to Get Them" by Stanley Bing. I love anything Bing writes. This 2006 handbook on the 100 easiest jobs in the world is a laugh out loud page turner. Bing skewers every occupation from personal publicist and media trainer to industrial psychologist and Tarot card reader. In the process, he ‘ranks’ the bullshit level of each job from 1-200 (with 200 being attained only by Donald Trump who, Bing says, cannot be topped for round-the-clock pure bullshit). In each job description, Bing provides such observations as ‘The Upside, The Downside and The Dark Side.’ In his description of someone who holds a top job at the strategic consulting firm, McKinsey, Bing’s upside is: “License to kill comes with the job” (referring to all the downsizing that McKinsey types do when they’re hired). The downside as: “People run away and hide in the AV closet when they see you coming” and the dark side as: “You are found with a chicken skewer through your neck at the client retreat in Boca.”

So, there you have it. Three totally different books with three totally different POVs that open one’s mind, make one think and cause one to laugh out loud. What more could a blogger ask for? Oh, one criticism of the Bing book, though: how did he not list medical supplies executive as one of the top 100 bullshit jobs of all time?

Jun 16

Mick Cody announces new, political party; calls ‘Animals Matter’ America’s first serious third party movement since days of Teddy Roosevelt and the Bull Moose

Lincroft, NJ, June 16, 2010 – Noted animal rights activist, Mick Cody (who also happens to be an
Dogs animal) announced today he was forming a new, third political party to be named Animals Matter. Calling it America's first serious third party since 1912 when Theodore Roosevelt split the Republican vote with his Bull Moose movement and handed the election to Democrat Woodrow Wilson, Cody says Animals Matter is the ultimate grass roots movement. 'We don't just represent grass roots ideas, we eat the damn things daily.”

Cody says Animals Matter is a direct response to the complete ineptness of humans to solve man-made problems. “In my short lifetime, I've witnessed house pets dying in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, pit bulls being savaged by Michael Vick and dolphins washing ashore on the beaches of Alabama courtesy of BP. We believe animals can do a better job,” he barked. Mick said Animals Matter will also provide a platform for animals of all kinds to posit their views on the ecological damage being wreaked by man.

“We welcome the siren calls of whales, the howls of coyotes and, yes, even the meows of cats,” said Mick. “We live, eat and breathe inclusiveness.”

Cody said Animals Matter intends to place candidates on tickets during the upcoming midterm elections and that he, himself, is weighing a run at the Presidency in 2010. “Look, Reagan was over 70 when he won in 1980. I'll be 10 in 2012. That's pretty much the same age. If Dutch can do it, why can't I?” he whined.

Cody acknowledged the need for a balanced ticket in order to attract voters in 2012. “I've appointed my long-time chief of staff, Rooney Cody, to head an exploratory committee to find the right VP. I'm looking for a savvy sea otter, a cunning chimp or maybe even an energizing eagle. Any of the above could easily whip Sarah Palin in an IQ test,” he whimpered.

Animals Matter is temporarily headquartered in the Cody backyard, which has been renamed the 'Animal Farm.' Mick says his nascent party is accepting contributions in the form of checks, money orders and dog treats.

“We will take back the environment from mankind. I may not live long enough to join my fellow animals in the Promised Land, but I've been to the top of the mountain and I've seen what lies ahead. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord,” Mick growled.

Animals Matter is a non-profit organization created to advocate on behalf of animals everywhere. For more information, please call 1-800-B-A-R-K-I-N-G or go to www.mickispissed.canine.

Jun 02

Mo knows

I'm a huge dog person. Always have been. Always will be. Named my agency after our black lab, Pepper. Love hanging out with our two current pooches, Mick and Rooney. But, for all my contact with canines over the years, I never thought I'd have a dog to thank for leading me to the summit of one very tough mountain peak.

June 2 - mountain

Last weekend, 'Repman, Jr,' his buddy, Mark, and I attempted to climb 14,197 ft Mt. Belford in Buena Vista, Colorado. We'd been warned we might encounter snow and ice near the summit, but nothing prepared us for the whiteout conditions we hit about 2,000 feet below the peak. It was too intense and, since we were climbing without our friend and guide, Stafford Davis (a victim of altitude sickness), we decided to turn around.

We were bummed. But, with the snow howling and the wind intensifying, it was the smart, sensible thing to do. And, then, after about 500 feet of descent, we spied a couple and their dog happily making their way towards us. 

They were locals who knew the mountain well. They told us the snow would let up (it never did, btw) and to just follow their dog, Mo (short for Mohave. They'd found him abandoned in the Mohave Desert and rescued him).

So, with more than a little trepidation, we shrugged our shoulders, retraced our steps and followed Mo, which wasn't easy. Mo adored climbing in the snow. He'd bound ahead of us at Mach speed and then stop and roll around in the two-foot snow drifts. The pooch really lifted our spirits, gave us a canine compass to follow and, sure enough, after a few more grueling hours, led us to the peak.

June 2 - hiking

Aside from a pat on the head, I never had a chance to properly thank our guardian angel of a dog. So, here's to you Mo. There's definitely a place in dog heaven for you.