Today’s RepMan is dedicated to our West Coast demi-god Ann Barlow.
Typically, the follow-ups are entitled, “I was wondering…” and usually followed by the words: “if you received my e-mail last Thursday and if you, and your direct marketing team, are ready to schedule a 90-minute exploratory meeting to discuss the technical infrastructure needs in Estonia, and how my company, Estonia Water Works & Fried Chicken, can be of assistance.”
Typically, I ignore these unsolicited follow-ups.
But, I received one this morning from a 16-year-old aspiring actor who has spammed me no fewer than three times to tell me he’s selected Peppercomm to be his publicity agent for the foreseeable future.
This guy, Kaz, has “…some training, appeared in high school and regional plays…” and, like most of us, “is just one break away from hitting the big time.”
Worn down, but also amused, I decided to respond to Kreepy Kaz this time. I told him we’d disbanded our Hollywood publicity division and fired our West Coast President, Ann Barlow, after her bungling of the Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus “incidents.”
I told him Peppercomm was actually the “kiss of death” for would-be superstars like Kaz, and suggested he send his unsolicited requests to some other firm that has better luck with star struck teens.
Besides, I don’t have any more time for Kaz. I need to craft a response to the space representative who’s been sending me unsolicited e-mails urging me to act now and place full-page ads in Bolivia Today, “the number one publication serving South America’s next economic power.”
I’m thinking of telling ‘Enrique’ that we’ve already earmarked our South American marketing dollars for Chilean World News. We’re hedging our bets that Santiago, and not La Paz, will be the next big financial center of the universe.