– Midsized Integrated Marketing Powerhouse Opens Fifth Office Inside Lovelock, NV, Correctional Institute –
New York, July 24, 2015 —- Peppercomm today announced that former NFL legend, Hollywood actor and convicted felon O.J. Simpson will be joining the midsized strategic communications firm’s senior management ranks. Specifically, Mr. Simpson will hold the title of director, sports marketing & memorabilia, and report to the agency’s co-founders Steve Cody and Edward Aloysius Moed.
Cody said the Simpson announcement is a dream come true, “I’ve loved the Juice ever since his Heisman Trophy-winning days at USC. Like millions of other NFL fans, I marveled at his 2,003-yard season back in 1973 with the Buffalo Bills. And, I didn’t think he was half-bad in the ‘Naked Gun’ movie series either. There’s no doubt in my mind that O.J. will attract a new, and decidedly different, type of clientele to Peppercomm.”
Co-founder Ed Moed, added: “We’ve always prided ourselves on going where no agency has gone before (i.e. licensing), and believe O. J. will open doors that we’ve been unable to crack in 20 years of doing business.” Mr. Moed was quick to point out that his remarks did not indicate Simpson was planning an El Chapo-like escape from his confinement at the Lovelock, Nevada, Correctional Institute. “The Juice loves Lovelock, and vice versa,” added Moed.
Cody said Mr. Simpson would remain behind bars but, in a true example of public/private partnership, would be housed in a special business office at Lovelock. “We’re in the midst of updating our various marketing materials to reflect the addition of this fifth, strategic office,” said Cody.
Mr. Simpson, who retains strong, if sleazy, ties with associates in the worlds of sports, Hollywood and memorabilia, is predicting at least $2 million in billings by December, 2015. “Look, whether it’s Quentin Tarantino, Pete Carroll or Bugsy “The Trophy Taker” Monaghan, I know the right people in the right places to bring in the right type of business. And, I’m equally adept at dumping business if it should prove to be just too hot to handle for Peppercomm’s tastes.”
Not a Rip-Off
Mr. Cody vociferously denied that Peppercomm’s hiring of Simpson was a mere copycat move in light of MWW’s announcement that they’d retained former NY Congressman, and sexting practitioner par excellence, Anthony Weiner.
“Weiner’s a white-collar, self-absorbed, ne’er do-well. The Juice, meanwhile, remains a role model to many millions of Americans who believe his arrest was little more than entrapment by a police force intent on avenging the Nicole Brown murders. Weiner turns people’s stomachs. O.J. runs through and over them,” concluded Cody.
Peppercomm is a strategic, integrated marketing agency, headquartered in New York, with offices in London, San Francisco, Boulder and, now, Lovelock. The firm has won countless industry awards, including top NYC workplace of 2012 by Crain’s New York Business. Cody believes that, based upon Mr. Simpson’s stellar behavior behind bars, the firm will soon cop the Crain’s Lovelock Business award for best workplace in the not-too-distant future. “Hey, if we don’t win it, O.J. will just steal it. That’s what I call a win-win.” summarized Moed.
And a big tip ‘othe blocking sled to Greg Schmalz for suggesting the hire.
As a former politician who, like Weiner, was brought down by a sexting scandal I’m pleased to see MWW giving the man a second chance. It rankles me that as a former CongressDog who, like Weiner, I find it disappointing that I’m left chasing squirrels in my backyard rather than advocating on behalf of canines everywhere.
This is really ironic considering that we’re fielding a new business pitch from Marcia Clark as she seeks communications counsel to be the next U.S. Attorney General (contingent on The Donald taking oath as #45). I have been pitching Messrs. Moed and Cody to offer the honorable Ms. Clark basic media training pro bono if we get the rest of her business. If Mr. Simpson handles Ms. Clark’s account personally though, we’ll have to treat the matter with kid gloves. I hope they fit!
I’m sure OJ will keep the creative juices flowing.