Ex-Congress Dog Vows to Tear Sealed Air Corp a New One
Lincroft, NJ, July 13, 2015 – – Former U.S. Congress Dog, Mick Cody, has joined the pack of howling canines who’ve expressed outrage at Sealed Air Corp’s recent decision to end production of the Bubble Wrap that pops.
The ex-politico, widely credited with raising the public’s consciousness in the aftermath of the Michael Vick/pit bull scandal, is barking mad about what he termed, @sealedair’s “species discrimination.”
Fresh from attacking an unsuspecting squirrel in his backyard, Cody snarled, “Everyone knows dogs of all sizes, breeds and gender absolutely adore ripping that damned Bubble Wrap to shreds. Denying us that privilege is akin to taking away mobile devices from Millennials.”
CRAP ON CHARLOTTE
Mick, who has been called the Donald Trump of dogs, also announced a nationwide march of canines on Charlotte, NC, corporate headquarters of Sealed Air.
Calling his movement, “Crap on Charlotte,” Cody says some one million dogs will encircle Sealed Air’s headquarters on August 1st, and not disperse until each has left behind a very special deposit. “That’ll light a fire under their ass,” Cody growled.
The canine firebrand promises to lead such “Crap Crusades” until Sealed Air puts the pop back in their Bubble Wrap.
“This will be my last, and greatest, challenge,” observed the 12-year-old pooch, lifting a paw to wipe away a tear. “We shall overcome,” he vowed.
Cody remains the first dog to be elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. His tour of duty was cut short, however, when the canine was outed for texting topless, Anthony Weiner-like photographs to a feline admirer.
Mick still accuses the International Association for the Advancement of Cats (IAAC) of entrapment.