Category Archives: failure

Dec 19

Re-branding pure evil

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I guess it's another sign of the bizarre times in which we live, but Al Qaeda just announced it's re-branding itself.

Slide1-1Trying to distance the heinous organization from its terrorism tag, Al Qaeda is now officially calling itself 'Ansar al-Sharia', which means Army of Islamic Law.

An organization official said the re-branding was necessary in order to attract more foreign fighters to the cause. An anonymous diplomat said the Al Qaeda name 'seems to have negative connotations and baggage'.

You think? That's like saying Hitler had some emotional issues.

I wonder if Ansar al-Sharia will also re-brand some of the Al Qaeda key words and tactics? Will:

– Jihad now be 'population redistribution'
– Suicide bombing now be 'a one-way ticket to 76 virgins'
– A roadside bombing now be called 'an infrastructure upgrade'

On a slightly lighter note (as the morning talk show buffoons like to say), Blackwater, the sleazy U.S. security firm to whom W, Cheney and Rummy handed over many Iraqi government tasks previously handled by Sadam Hussein's soldiers (and, then, went rogue, wiping out scores of innocent Iraqi civilians) announce its SECOND re-branding.

Initially, Blackwater had changed its name to Xe Services. Alas, though, their gung-ho, paramilitary culture was firmly entrenched. So, new management was put in place and a second name was announced: Academi. Are they now the 'institute of black ops'?

I'll be interested to see which re-branding proves more successful.

Being the altruistic blogger that I am, I'd like to help. In fact, I've devised taglines that, I believe, will speed the re-branding education process:

Ansar al-Sharia: 'Years of training for a moment of terror'

Academi: 'Kicking ass and taking names in puppet states'

I'd like to end by asking Repman readers to suggest their taglines for these two inherently evil organizations.

Many of you are PR and marketing specialists, so why not give it a shot?

I'll pick the funniest ones and, if you're in town the same day as one of my stand-up comedy performances, will give you two free tickets for a show.

Maybe we can even discuss a re-branding for Repman? FYI, I'd like something that is synonymous with pure fun.

And a tip o' Repman's climbing helmet to Tucker Greco for suggesting this post.

Nov 07

What did JoPa know and when did he know it?

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No one's smiling in Penn State University's Happy Valley today. Long-time assistant coach Jerry Joe-PaternoSandusky has been accused of 40 counts of inappropriate contact with eight young boys, ranging from touching to statutory rape.

If he's found guilty, the Nittany Lions coach may spend the rest of his life in jail. And, two other PSU officials have resigned in the shocking scandal's aftermath.

The really big questions, though, are swirling around legendary PSU coach Joe Paterno (or, JoPa, as he's affectionately known). The winningest football coach in Division One history says he was told about the allegations in 2002 and passed them up the food chain, but that's it. Pretty weak, no?

I think JoPa's in denial. I think the head coach knew about Sandusky's hijinks all along. And, worse, I think he helped cover it up in a Nixonian bid to maintain his power base (clearly, the guy has no interest in ever retiring).

Paterno certainly had the power and motivation to cover-up the scandal if he chose to do so. After all, Sandusky was his top lieutenant for decades.

Regardless of what he did or didn't know, JoPa's legacy will be forever tainted by the Happy Valley scandal.

And, depending upon how aggressive top school officials are in admitting fault and implementing change, the university itself may be likened to a collegiate version of The Vatican. Maybe the school will even take a page out of the Church's play book and blame others for its own sins (i.e. “Sadly, Assistant Coach Sandusky is yet another victim of the sexual liberation that pervaded the 1960s.”).

For the sake of the school's image, if not his own, Coach Paterno needs to come clean and answer two basic, Watergate-inspired questions:

– What did JoPa know?
– And, when did he know it?

His answers will determine whether the sex scandal is an unfortunate footnote to JoPa's legendary career or college coaching's version of Watergate. If the latter proves to be the case, I wonder if David Frost might be interested in a sequel? Nah. 'Frost: Paterno' doesn't have the same panache.

Oct 05

How NOT to make it in the Big Apple

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Your name is Naomi Nitwit. You've held a variety of design and production jobs over the past two decades but, for personal reasons, moved away from the Big Apple a few years ago.

Now, though, you're refueled, recharged and ready to re-engage. And, gosh darn it, you're going to write the best, show stopper of a cover letter the New York advertising and design field has ever seen. Why? Because, you want to get back to the hot lights and late nights of the City, that's why.

But, there's only one problem, Naomi. You forgot to re-read the letter and resume before hitting the send button. As a result, each and every track change is visible. Just take a gander:
Slide1Ouch! In the first graph she writes "…this job seems perfect." And what exactly would that job be, Naomi?  BTW, I love the letter's penultimate line. It reads, “Need a sentence here saying you are interested in getting back in the industry in NYC, I think.” Safe to assume that came from a job coach?

Your resume also contains track changes and reveals such interesting items as date changes (so, did you leave the real estate gig in ‘07 or '08?).

I also found myself bemused by the word change from 'blast' to 'marketing' and the accompanying note that reads: “blast is a very negative concept”. I agree.

Naomi, I know you're trying your best. But, it's a cold, cruel world and you really need to take ownership of what I like to call 'The brand of you'.

You'll never make it back to the Apple with a cover note and resume that contain track changes. Maybe you should change your strategy and, instead, team up with the football playing college senior who sent me an e-mail blast? No, wait a minute. Blast is a negative concept!

And, a tip o' the mortar board to Jason Dodd for this suggestion.

Sep 20

PR’s version of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’

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I thought today's decision by the military to finally lift the oft-vilified don't ask, don't tell policy  Mediocrity_web_laaaog5 provided an ideal hook with which to weigh in on a disturbing trend in PR; a different type of don't ask, don't tell policy, if you will. I refer to the astounding ability of proven failures to land one plum job after another.

PR's don't ask, don't tell policy is especially overt in large corporations and holding companies. Every week or so, I'll receive an e-mail from someone I know who was recently let go for doing a horrible job. But, his note is entitled, 'Great news!' or 'Movin' on up!' and it informs me that, despite having just been fired from his 37th straight CCO spot, he's just been named head of corporate communications for a global financial institution. Say what?!?!?

And, on the large PR agency front, one has only to double click on any PR daily's 'people on the move' section to see that John Smith has switched jobs once again. He's gone from Porter to Fleishman (or, was it H&K to MSL?). And, there's a note about Jane Doe, who has hopped around more often than the Easter Bunny. She's switching from Golin to Burson (or, is it Weber to Edelman?). They've both landed new gigs heading up a major health care or consumer products group, even though everyone in the know knows they went down in flames at their previous employer. And, they call this the big leagues? Ugh.

So, how do these empty suits survive?

I believe relentless downsizing is the culprit. There are far fewer human resource executives who are being burdened with wading through hundreds, if not thousands, of resumes. So, when a few finalists who possess 'deep sector expertise' and can walk and chew gum at the same time are brought in for interviews, the path of least resistance seems especially attractive.

Human resource managers don't ask John Smith why he's held 18 jobs in seven years. And, Mr. Smith sure as hell won't volunteer the information. So, after a perfunctory reference check (which is a joke since candidates ONLY provide the names of individuals who will provide glowing reports), the empty suit is named vice president of public relations for Massive Corporation, Inc., or EVP and director of WPP's global technology practice. And, once firmly entrenched, they'll spin wheels, achieve nothing, collect huge paychecks and be shown the door once again within 18 months. And, then, the cycle repeats. It's almost like an Animal Planet documentary about Yellowstone Park's ecosystem.

All this wouldn't matter if it wasn't happening everywhere in corporate America (note: I'll bet $100 that recently fired Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz, arguably one of the worst CEOs in recent memory, lands a new, higher paying gig within six months). 

I believe pervasive downsizing has enabled otherwise mediocre executives to survive, if not, thrive. The real loser is the American economy. There are multiple reasons why we're rocketing along a highway whose upcoming exits are marked Second World and Third World status, but the Peter Principle is certainly one of them. 

Companies who adopt a don't ask, don't tell policy and enable mediocre, empty suits to continue filling plumb jobs aren't just hurting themselves. They're hurting everyone. And, by the way, this would make for a great investigative piece if a PR trade REALLY wanted to do some serious journalism.

Aug 29

A fuzzy future at 40

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Xlarge_2010-11-17_145448Ken Makovsky's superb 'If you've never failed, you've never lived' blog made me think of my own  fear of failure and the fear of failure I see in far too many Millennials today.

First, me. Back in 1995, after 15 months of pure hell serving as president of Brouillard Communications, a division of JWT that, mercifully, no longer exists, I was asked to leave. I was devastated. I had just turned 40, was married with two kids, carried two mortgages, leased two cars and provided for two dogs (one of whom happened to be named Pepper).

Despite my previous successes, I was lost at sea as to my next move. I couldn't contemplate another holding company experience and I feared going it alone. Enter Edward Aloysisus Moed from stage left. Equally disgusted by the politics, bureaucracy and parochial culture of the large agency world, Ed had left Brouillard a few weeks before me. He suggested we give it a go on our own. We did. And, I've never looked back.

But, I wouldn't be a success today if I hadn't failed so badly in the past.

Which is why Ken's blog is a MUST READ for those Millennials who have been raised to believe they'll always win. (Note: if you have a chance, also read Ron Alsop's most excellent book, “The Trophy Kids Grow Up”. It nails the sense of entitlement and fear of failure endemic in most Millennials).

I see the fear of failure in my own kids. They're both doing extraordinarily well, but they struggle with adversity. That's because, like most other Boomer parents, we coddled them and, as Alsop's book title suggests, gave them trophies even when they finished dead last.

Failure is important. It paves the way for success, especially for those who are resilient and have the wherewithal to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and say, “OK. I just failed. What did I learn to ensure that I won't fail again?”

Oh, and if you have a chance, doubleclick on the video embedded in Makovsky's blog. I think you'll be surprised to see how many famous people were complete failures before they finally figured out that failure was a pathway to success.