Oct 04

You may have found Waldo, but i found Christ

Yet another disgraced athlete announced he had ‘found’ Christ in his time of distress. This time it wasMarbury_2
Knicks bad boy Stephon Marbury who, caught up in the disgraceful Isiah Thomas sexual/workplace harassment case, told reporters Christ had entered his life on June 29th of this past Summer (Repman’s b’day, btw). I don’t know about you, but I am sick of hearing fallen heroes like Mel Gibson, Michael Vick and Marbury suddenly ‘get’ religion. The only thing they’re getting is textbook advice from some crisis PR counselor.

Oct 04

Jesus Christ, super salesman

That guy from Galilee is back again. This time He’s a super salesman for a new line of red and whiteGrapesofgalilee_3
wines called, what else?  ‘The Grapes of Galilee.’

Yes, Jesus Christ, super salesman, is back. Or at least, his name and likeness are back on the labels of everything from chardonnay, cabernet sauvignon and merlot. The importer said he’ll be targeting the ‘holy water’ to Catholics for the upcoming holiday season. “This is a wine for a special occasion like Christmas dinner. It will be a big talker,” said Pini Haroz.

Well, it’s got me talking. And, personally, I find it distasteful (the promotion. Not the wine. I haven’t sampled the vino yet).

Using Christ to push alcohol is just wrong, wrong, wrong. Especially considering the historical Jesus was all about poverty, humility, etc. Sure, he changed water to wine, but that was a one-time gig as I recall.

Anyway, I think Christ would be royally pissed at this misuse of His name and image.  In fact, I could see a modern Christ rampaging through the local liquor stores on Christmas Eve and breaking any bottles with his likeness on the cover (a la His assault on the moneychangers in the temple).

I’m sure Christ savored a good wine as much as the next savior. But, I’ll bet He would gag if he saw how Pini Haroz, wine importer, was ‘crossing’ the line.

Aug 28

Christ should charge a commission

Jesus Christ should receive a commission from all the celebs and sports figures who have invoked HisChrist
name, asked His forgiveness and/or turned their lives over to Him.

Michael Vick is just the latest fallen superstar to have miraculously ‘found’ Christ amidst the rubble of rack and ruin.

Sadly, Christ has become part of a formulaic crisis response plan being implemented by the PR firms and publicists of Messrs. Vick, Gibson and others.

Rather than placing himself in the hands of the Lord, though, Vick would be better served by donating a significant sum of money to animal rights.

Hiding behind the Good Shepherd’s robe may be smart image counseling, but it’s been tried one too many times in recent years to ring true.

As the bible says, ‘The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.’ In Vick’s case, the lord, in the person of NFL Commissioner Goodell, has clearly taketh away and, all the contrition in the world won’t get it back anytime soon for Brother Vick."

Vick also told courthouse gatherers that his dog-fighting dilettantism was "immature," and he has some growing up to do. Indeed. Part of growing up is learning to say "sorry," but that’s a word you won’t often find in defense lawyers’ vocab list. On the other hand, as the Christlike Vick must surely know, the bible mentions contrition in a few thousand places.