Tag Archives: New Jersey Transit

May 25

Simply the worst

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May 25As
faithful RepMan readers know all too well, New Jersey Transit is the absolute
bane of my existence. In many ways, the service is a microcosm of society
itself: each year things just keep getting worse.

This
week, NJT announced a 25 percent fare increase along with a simultaneous
reduction in train service. What other business could get away with that kind
of abuse? 'Ah, listen, Alex. You've been a valued client of ours for some time.
And, I know our service has been pretty horrific for the entire time period.
But, I wanted to give you a heads-up that we'll be increasing our monthly fee
by 25 percent. Oh, and by the way, we'll be doing a lot less within the
increased budget. Have a great day.'

NJT
justified the lose-lose scenario as a result of the economy. Trust me, NJT
service has always been abysmal, regardless of the economy. That's why I'm once
again updating my suggested tagline for America's most horrendous business.

Forget
about '….Just train bad' and '….Expect less.' NJT should now lay claim to
being '…Simply the worst.'

The
beauty of 'Simply the worst' is its flexibility and authenticity. The
conductors' rude behavior is simply the worst. On-time performance? Simply the
worst. And, the lavatories? Simply the worst. The new tagline is 100 percent
authentic, too. How many other people, places or things can claim the same?

In
fact, here's my Top 10 list of the world's worst people, places or things:

10)
Worst terrorist: The Times Square buffoon

9)
Worst religion: Catholicism

8)
Worst sports franchise: NY Mets

7)
Worst president: 'W'

6)
Worst Super Bowl host city: Jacksonville (that's a different blog for a
different day)

5)
Worst former client: Think purple

4)
Worst boss: My Brouillard CEO

3)
Worst music: Country & western

2)
Worst singer: Barry Manilow

1)
Worst public transit system in the known universe: NJT

Do
you agree with my Top 10 list? Send me your thoughts. What did I miss? 

Mar 17

The Dante’s Inferno of holidays

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March 17 I’ve heard New Year’s Eve referred to as ‘amateur hour’ since so many drink so much in so short a period of time. I agree. It’s an ideal night to hunker down and watch what’s left of Dick Clark countdown the final seconds of a dying year. The same can’t be said, though, for St. Patrick’s Day. It goes far beyond mere amateur hour status and deserves a much more exacting moniker. I suggest calling it the Dante’s Inferno of holidays.

What makes St. Patrick’s Day the Dante’s Inferno of holidays are the hooligan high school kids who hop onto various trains heading into the city and literally run amok. Already three sheets to the wind at 7:28am, the high schoolers careen up and down the narrow aisles, spill their bottles of Corona over otherwise placid commuters and engage in shoving and pushing matches that often escalate into replays of Ali-Frazier I.

Further exacerbating the horror show that is St. Patrick’s Day on NJT is the indifferent, standoffish attitudes of the train conductors. Rather than reign in the free-for-all, the conductors act as if it’s just another day. So, those of us who fork over $400 per month-plus for the rare privilege of riding the nation’s worst commuter railroad are like innocent bystanders watching a modern-day version of the gunfight at the O.K. Corral.

All of which just underscores NJT’s horrific image and reputation. In fact, based upon my recent St. Patrick’s Day experience riding the train from hell, I’d like to suggest yet another update to my tagline for the Garden State’s transit service. Instead of: ‘Expect less,’ I’d like to update it to the more accurate, ‘Expect the worst.’ When it comes to the worst possible customer service experience imaginable, nobody beats NJT. Nobody. Not no how. Not no way.

Jan 26

Old reliable

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January 25 The late New York Yankees star Tommy Henrich was known as 'old reliable' for his uncanny ability to deliver clutch hits at critical moments.

In today's scandal-soaked scene few, if any, people, places or things deserve a sobriquet like old reliable. But I've managed to come up with a few that, good or bad, still deliver on reliability:

– Take New Jersey Transit's 7:31am 'express' to the city. Please!

It's never, ever on time. In fact, its consistently bad performance has inspired me to suggest such alternative taglines as: 'Just train bad' and 'Expect less.'

But, I think 'old reliable' is even more evocative since it captures the certainty of massive, ongoing delays.
 
– The corporate communications executive who insists a $5,000 sales promotion is not only newsworthy, but should be jammed into the lead sentence of a bylined article on thought leadership. 

This member of the old reliable club exists in many PR departments and can be counted on to do what the sales and business leaders tell him rather than what smart, strategic communications would dictate.

– The Mets and Jets. Each teases fans with occasional flashes of brilliance but each always disappoints in the end. Old reliables, both.

– Politicians of all stripes. If there's one thing that's become crystal clear over the past few years, it's this: we can count on the politicians to fiddle while Rome burns. Old reliables, each and every one.

– The technology in ANY new business presentation. Whether it's the laptop, the flash drive, the projector, the video conference or the telephone, something technical will always go wrong in any important new business pitch. Period.

I'm not sure how or why this always happens, but it always does. So, let's add technology snafus to the old reliable list.

These are my old reliables. What are yours?

Dec 14

All aboard for the pain train!

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My daily commuting experience on NJ Transit is almost always marred by some sort of delay, over-crowded and under-heated cars and a cell phone user who insists on sharing his conversation with everyone.

December 14 - makeup The worst offenders, though, are the women who 'put on their face' right alongside me. As I'm reading a book or paper, or editing a bylined article, Jane Doe has her compact out and is carefully applying her lipstick, powdering her nose and fine-tuning the eyebrows. Recently, I sat across the aisle from a woman who was actually plucking out her gray hair and flicking the strands in the aisle.

I was simultaneously amused and appalled.

Leaving behind one's newspaper and empty coffee cup is one thing (and, in some ways, it's a silent 'up yours' to NJT for its horrific service). But, yanking out one's hair in public is way, way over the line.

Ah, but there's the rub. There is no line anymore. As the pillars of society implode so, too, do the rules for conduct and behavior. I think it's actually worsened in the wake of the recent economic downturn. I see and experience behavior that leaves me speechless.

I believe one should be prepared for work when one boards the 7:28. So, here's a note to Jane Doe: leave the damn cosmetic box at home. In fact, if you don't immediately cease and desist, I'm going to bring my shaving kit along and lather up as you're plucking. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Readers, please feel free to share any other particularly egregious behavior you’ve witnessed by others during the morning commute.

Oct 28

Not delivering on the brand promise

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I never cease to be amazed how many organizations still don't 'get' the concept of a brand promise. They don't understand they need to deliver the brand experience they promise in their tagline, positioning and marketing messages.

October 28 - comcast Comcast is a great example of a brand that doesn't deliver on its promise. The huge cable systems operator has been running its 'Comcastic' campaign for years. But, as any Comcast subscriber will tell you, the service (and, in particular, the customer service) is anything but fantastic. It's positively dreadful. A better, more realistic brand promise from Comcast might be: 'ComPoor' or 'ComAwful." A brand shouldn't raise consumers expectations by promising one experience and then delivering another.

New Jersey Transit is my personal bête noir. The local transit system heralds itself as 'the way to go.' Now, anyone who routinely rides NJT's trains will tell you it is anything BUT the way to go. It's a necessary evil that one has to take because alternative solutions are either cost or location prohibitive. NJT trains are habitually late, staffed by rude or indifferent conductors and feature restrooms that are definitely NOT the way (or place) to go.

I originally suggested the powers that be at NJT supplant 'The way to go' with 'Just train bad.' I think they may not have understood my purposeful double entendre and ignored it. So, instead, I'm suggesting NJT adopt a shorter, more direct brand promise that perfectly manages expectations and can be delivered every single day. I'm calling it: 'expect less.'

I love 'expect less.' It works in every conceivable way. In fact, I've actually adopted 'expect less' as my personal, tongue-in-cheek brand promise for my upcoming year as chairman of the College of Charleston advisory board. 

Speaking of the CofC, Tom Martin, executive-in-residence at the College of Charleston (and one of the all-time great Peppercom clients, btw) recently created a classic brand promise slide you should check out.

Download Brand and Reputation

It lists what brands say about themselves and what we, as consumers, really think about them. It's worth a gander.