Don Spetner’s PR Week column consistently imparts a compelling story while providing valuable insight.

His most recent column struck a nerve with me. It involves a long-ago meeting Don attended while working on a Japanese account at a large PR firm. I, too, once represented a Japanese client (albeit while working for a midsized agency).

Like me, Don connected with the Japanese. Like me, Don was asked to share his insights with other agency executives who worked on what his firm called The Japan Desk.

In the middle of his de-brief, however, Don used a malaprop. Instead of “full bore”, he said “full boat” (to emphasize how fast things were progressing). The senior executives who, up until that time had been listlessly absorbing Spetner’s advice, smelled blood. “What does full boat mean?” asked one. Don said it meant going full throttle. The same senior executive went for the throat, “Really? I’m an avid sailor and I’ve never heard that term.” The manager, says Spetner, continued to toy with him until Don realized his mistake.

I experienced an almost identical experience early in my career. I was publicizing a special event between Spalding Sporting Goods and the now-defunct Herman’s World of Sporting Goods. My large agency had recently won the project, and my 23-year-old younger self was asked to deliver an internal presentation to the large agency brass.

I was pumped, and early in my review of what we were doing for the Spalding/Herman’s folks, I used the word enervating. “I’m enervated by this program. I believe the client will be enervated, and I’m sure the crowd at the U.S. Open will be as well!” I declared.

Mimicking Spetner’s boss, my senior report yawned, reached his hands behind his back and stretched. He said, “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m getting tired,” he moaned. The room burst into laughter. “Yup, it’s positively enervating,” said a second. “I’m enervated,” chimed in a third.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out enervate didn’t mean energized. It meant the exact opposite.

As Don writes in his column, “That incident happened nearly 30 years ago, yet I remember it with great clarity.” He said it used to make him feel angry and embarrassed, but now he feels sorry for the senior manager, and the latter’s need to humiliate a junior staffer in a public setting. Ditto.

Like Don, I take pains to double, and triple, check the accuracy of any unfamiliar word I plan to use in an oral or written presentation. And, unlike our respective bosses, I make a point NOT to publicly humiliate a junior employee when he or she abuses the English language (a far-too-often occurrence in this Millennial-driven industry of ours).

I’ve learned that junior employees sincerely appreciate a private, one-on-one correction (as opposed to a senior executive who goes full bore on them in public). The latter is only being a full boar.

I’ve just finished reading the book I’d always intended to write. (Note: Make that the second book I always intended to write. I’ve already written one, thank you very much.

“Funny Business: Build your soft skills through comedy” by Bill Connolly (www.TheBillConnolly.com) is THE perfect book for anyone, and everyone, who’s stuck in a rut and wondering, ‘What if…’

While it focuses on the amazing properties of stand-up comedy to transform ANY business executive into a more self-assured presenter, networker and listener, the book is more about life itself (and, how many of us FAIL to live our lives to the fullest).

In the interests of full transparency, it also contains a chapter about Peppercomm, and features the likes of Nicole Hall, Jason Green and Clayton Fletcher (the business world’s only chief comedy officer).

In the early passages of his tome, Connolly cites a different book entitled, ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,’ by Bronnie Ware (uplifting title, no?).

According to Ware, the number one regret of the dying is both sad, and liberating. It’s: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” It’s sad for the obvious reasons. But, it can be liberating for each, and every, reader of this blog who’s been holding back on living la vida loca.

I must admit it took me 39 years to wake-up and live the life I wanted to lead.

At that point in time, I found myself at a crossroads after self-destructing at J. Walter Thompson. I could have latched on to yet another top gig at a global agency but, frankly, I hated the politics, bureaucracy and artificial trappings of that plastic world. So, knowing that I didn’t want to be lying on my death bed one day in the future, lamenting, “If I’d only started my own business,” I did. The rest, as they say, is history.

Peppercomm’s almost immediate success enabled me to try all the other things in life I’d put off because the timing hadn’t been perfect. I performed stand-up comedy. I climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. I studied improvisation at Upright Citizens Brigade. I boxed. I became addicted to a cool sport called Kangoo (www.mariogodiva.com) and I embraced my politically incorrect self.

Connolly’s book is chock full of other successful people from all walks of life who also seized the brass ring, attempted stand-up comedy and have lived fuller, richer lives as a result. Some pursued full-time comedy or improv careers. Most, like me, stayed put doing exactly what they’d been doing, but saw themselves transformed as a direct result of comedy’s liberating effects.

I’m not suggesting any of you try comedy. But, I am telling you to stop waiting for the perfect timing to begin living your life’s dreams. As Connolly (and those profiled in his book will tell you) there is NO perfect timing. And, as the now-forgotten Washington Redskins Coach, George Allen, would tell you, “The future is now.”

So, whether it’s stand-up comedy, knitting, starting your own business or writing the great American novel, do it.

If you do, you’ll stand a very good chance of avoiding the number one regret of the dying. Of course, you might still qualify for the number two regret: ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.’ C’est la vie.

Read Connolly’s book. It just might change your life.

It wasn’t hard to predict that, when she left her co-hosting gig as America’s Sweetheart on “The Today Show,” Katie Couric would fail miserably as Dan Rather’s replacement on the CBS Evening News. Even a certain blogger I know nailed it.

It also wasn’t hard to predict that Katie would fall flat at CNN. But, I must say I did think her lighthearted, goofy, girl-next-door style would resonate on the daytime talk show circuit.

Well, I was wrong. According to Hollywood Reporter, Katie’s show won’t be renewed for a third season.

And, the reasons WHY Katie’s being shown the door are positively fascinating.

Katie patronizes her viewers. She refuses to listen to advice suggesting she stop trying to be daytime’s answer to Christiane Amanpour and, instead, embrace the warm and fuzzy subjects stay-at-home moms seem to prefer (those are the Hollywood Reporter’s words. Not mine).

One undisclosed source (BTW, I want to be an undisclosed source in my next life), said Katie has “utter disdain” for her audience. Nice.

Katie has also alienated many a top star, some of whom refuse to sit still for her ‘tough’ interrogations, and boycott her show. And, “Katie” has experienced more staff turnover than a top five global PR firm (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Katie’s a hot mess for two reasons:

- She won’t listen to the wants and needs of her audience. Lots of corporations make the same mistake. One must always listen first and engage second.

- She’s living in the past. Katie needs to embrace change and be willing to adapt. This is a common mistake I see in businesses as well. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Yet, over time, the business model is no longer relevant and, by the time the business realizes it, it may be too late. Businesses need to constantly change and adapt. Netflix did. Blockbuster didn’t.

Katie’s been drinking her own Kool-Aid for far too long, and she still believes she knows what’s best for viewers. She doesn’t.

One of the challenges facing any successful entertainer, or executive, is to recognize when one has “arrived”.

I, for example, have turned down job offers to manage local delis, run the fruit stand downstairs or join our building’s security staff. Ed and I have also rejected more than one tempting acquisition offer over the years.

That’s because I know (in my head and heart) that nothing could surpass Peppercomm in terms of job satisfaction. Period.

Katie walked away from the best gig of her life, and has been wandering in the wilderness ever since.

That said and, if nothing else, Katie Couric is a Triple A-type, driven personality. Look for Katie, version 4.0, to pop-up on your TV screens sometime soon. If she were smart, Katie would go back to playing the lightweight, sitting alongside a Bryant Gumbel or Matt Lauer on a morning infotainment show. There’s still time for her to reclaim the crown as America’s Darling.

She just needs to listen.

Today’s post is dedicated to Thomas J. “Thom” Powers, Jr., who has carried a very big torch for a very long time for tiny Katie Couric.

If one believes that Miley Cyrus is influencing our nation’s adolescent girls towards a life of decadence and debauchery then one must also hold culpable such sports icons as LeBron James, Peyton Manning and Serena Williams for their role in destroying our kids’ wellness.

Why? Well, a new study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale reveals many top U.S. athletes actively promote very, very unhealthy food and drinks.

In fact, Yale’s Marie Bragg, the study’s author, says top athletes endorsed 62 food products, including burgers, cookies and cereal. And, 49 of the 62 were high in calories and low in nutritional value. That’s a completion average that Peyton Manning’s under-performing brother, Eli, would die for.

Jocks also endorsed 46 sports drinks, sodas and other beverages. A staggering 43 of the 46 contained calories from extra sugar.

And, it works says Emma Boyland, of the University of Liverpool: “We know that children (and teens) are really affected by this sort of thing. We know that influences the type of foods they choose and they eat.”

Here’s the rich irony: The world’s fittest athletes, whose bodies are finely-tuned instruments and whose diets are meticulously monitored to generate maximum strength, turn around and promote junk food to their adoring fans.

They’re twerking our tummies.

So, I ask you, what’s worse:

- A trampy singer who is re-defining the word sleazy and being followed like a pied piper by 10-year-old girls (note: A recent report said Miley Cyrus’ teddy bear twerking outfit is THE top Halloween costume among young girls)

- Uber athletes who encourage the rest of us to consume fatty, caloric crap that clogs arteries, expands waistlines and leads to such nasty side effects as diabetes, tooth decay, arterial blockage and, my personal favorite, the risk of sudden death?

I’d argue they fit hand-in-glove. Together, Miley, Serena, Peyton, LeBron and others are living large while contributing to the moral, spiritual and physical decay of our country’s future leaders. Communism couldn’t have done a better job.

When some future historian sits down to write, ‘The Decline and Fall of the American Empire,’ he or she will most assuredly include a chapter on the role of role models in greasing the skids. And, the operative word in this case is greasing.

It’s all so sad, isn’t it?

And a tip o’ Rep’s climbing helmet to Ray, “Sure as Rain” Carroll for suggesting this post.

This is a simple tale of two very complicated, and expensive, direct mail programs.

One was beautifully executed and well-received. The other was laughably bad and tossed away as soon the photograph you see was snapped.

The first came from Wells Fargo, and landed on my business partner, Ed’s, desk. It contained an iPhone case with speakers and the words, “We start by listening.” Inside the package was a reasoned plea for moving some of our financial needs to Wells Fargo. Ed may, or may not do so, but we both thought the direct mailer was unique, breakthrough and practical (Ed will, in fact, use the iPhone holder which, if nothing else, will continually remind him of Wells should he see the need to change existing relationships).

The second package arrived in a FedEx package and was placed on my desk. It was from AmEx and FedEx, and contained a huge box. After determining it wasn’t ticking, I opened the box. This one was colored white and emblazoned with the words, “We’ll help you figure it out.”

The box contained a Rubik’s Cube and a note from someone at FedEx explaining how they’d help me reduce Peppercomm’s shipping costs if I signed up via my AmEx Open card. It was ludicrous, to say the least, made even more laughable by the fact that I don’t have an AmEx Open card.

Here’s why Wells Fargo’s package was brilliant and Am/FedEx’s a colossal waste of time and money:

1) Wells took the time to figure out Ed manages our finances, so the package went to his attention. Ed also manages our vendor relations, so FedEx sent the wrong package to the wrong guy.

2) Wells gave Ed a practical product that he could use. As noted earlier, I tossed the Rubik’s Cube in the garbage.

3) Finally, Wells said they wanted to listen to Peppercomm’s needs and then provide a tailored solution. Am/FedEx talked at me, and told me they’d figure out a problem I personally didn’t have.

Both campaigns may have cost an arm and a leg. But, one WILL be successful. The other will be quickly discarded, and the genius who created it sent packing (pun intended).

The moral? Listen before you engage with any audience.

End of story.

As a firm believer in lifelong learning, I pride myself on always being open to new ideas and new experiences.

So, when I heard about the buzz being created by ‘Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth’, I had to read the book.

Having now devoured Reza Aslan’s account of the historic Jesus, I understand why fundamentalists loathe it.

I also understand why it’s a must read for any believer in lifelong learning. Zealot is a book for the believer, or non-believer, of any major religion. It’s also a perfect read at a time when the image and reputation of the Roman Catholic Church is being, shall we say, reinterpreted by a new pontiff.

I won’t reveal the countless fascinating, and game-changing, concepts about Aslan’s Jesus of Nazareth, but I will tell you the fundamental arguments he posits. They are two-fold:
- The historic Jesus of Nazareth was crucified by the Romans for sedition. As one of countless, self-proclaimed messiahs (‘King of the Jews’) who came before, and after him, Jesus was a zealous revolutionary who had three objectives:
1. Over-turning the existing system of Roman government.
2. Reconstituting the 12 original tribes of Israel (hence the reason for his selecting 12 apostles, or ambassadors).
3. Ruling as a king over a re-born Israel.
- Following his crucifixion, the surviving apostles had a huge disagreement about Jesus himself. One faction, led by James (who, says Aslan, was one of many brothers of Jesus), Peter and John believed that Jesus was, in fact, the Messiah, but he was NOT the son of god. They battled a different group headed by Paul, who believed himself to also be divine and first used the surname Christ to describe Jesus as a celestial entity sitting at the right hand of god. Paul is the apostle who attributed to Jesus such quotes as ‘My kingdom is not of this world.’

James (and not Peter and Paul) was the leader of the post-Jesus revolutionary movement, says Aslan. But, and this is critical, James preached the Jesus movement to Jews, and Jews alone.
It was Paul’s genius to take his version of Jesus to Rome, and the Gentiles. And the rest, as they say, is history.

One other tidbit that was new to me: the reason Jews could never accept Jesus as the son of god was two-fold:

- Nowhere in the Old Testament are there any words prophesizing a messiah who would be crucified, resurrected and become a living god.
- Crucifixion in, and of, itself violates the Law of Moses: ‘Anyone hung on a tree (that is crucified) is under God’s curse.’ (Deuteronomy 21:23).

I don’t know what to believe. But, I do believe this book is worth reading. Pick it up and let me know what you think.

Today’s Repman is by Peppercomm president Ted Birkhahn.

Our brethren in Washington are at it again. Having shut down the federal government in a fight over Obamacare, Congress is solidifying its role as an irrelevant, out-of-touch body that adds little to no value to our everyday lives. In the real world, where shit gets done or people get fired, many of us marvel at the ridiculousness of the rhetoric and lack of real progress made in our nation’s capital. But, for some incredulous reason, nothing ever changes. The private sector keeps toiling away while the public sector keeps getting in the way.

Our founding fathers would be ashamed of our current political system. Partisan politics aside, we are an embarrassment at home and abroad. We are a country founded on oppressions; born out of the desire to lead independently and be treated as equals. Yet, today, the Beltway is a lesson in failed leadership and their actions (or lack thereof) is ruining our image and reputation as a nation of innovators and a land of progress.

What can we do? How can we stem the tide of uselessness in Washington? Here are a few suggestions:

1.) Get rid of the two-party system. Blow it up. Move to a platform where all votes count equally and try to move as close to a meritocracy as possible.

2.) Make lying for all elected officials a federal crime. If you distort the truth— ahem, lie— then you’re out. One strike, that’s it. Speak the truth or else.

3.) Get rid of news organizations whose sole purpose is to be a mouthpiece for one of the major political parties. And, yes, I’m talking about both parties. It’s all about the ratings for the mainstream media, which prevents most productive discourse from taking place.

4.) Make public sector jobs so lucrative that the best and brightest talent in the country— and even the world— want to work in US politics. Right now, it attracts the lowest common denominator and we pay for it in spades.

5.) Make sure the demographics of our elected officials accurately represent the demographics of the electorate. Congress should mirror the background and cultures of the citizen population and it doesn’t right now.

I realize some of these ideas are, well, completely unrealistic. But, perhaps, some of them are not as crazy as the lunacy that we currently deal with and generally accept from our elected officials. We should demand change. Our reputation and future depend on it. Any other suggestion besides moving to Canada?

Yesterday’s announcement by Merck that it would trim its 81,000-strong workforce by some 20 percent only added to the misery caused by the government shut-down and the loss of countless public sector gigs.

While these downsizings no doubt impact workers of all ages, they typically paralyze middle-aged, middle managers. I should know. Hundreds have sought my help in the past few years.

And almost always, the downsized, middle-aged middle managers who beat a trail to my door exhibit one of the five stages of grief first identified among terminally-ill patients in Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s 1969 breakthrough book, ‘On Death and Dying’.

Those stages are:

- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance

So, I’ll hear such rants or laments as, “They fired the wrong guy,” and “They had no respect for me or my craft” to “I wonder if I should offer to return at 50 percent of my previous salary?” and “I’ve always wanted to work at Peppercomm. These other jobs were just detours.”

I work with those middle managers who possess marketable skills AND have adapted to the changing business landscape (read: they engage daily in social media). I also try to help those middle-aged executives who maintain a healthy, upbeat attitude.

But, I will not work with those who expect me to do the heavy lifting (i.e. editing and updating their resume, thinking through their next career move, pestering me with daily e-mails to find out if I’ve landed any interviews for them, etc.).

Few things are more satisfying than helping a friend in need. But, sadly, the demand for downsized, middle-aged middle managers will never catch-up with the supply. So, ‘help wanted’ types need to first help themselves. They need to lose the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance traits and, instead, reinvent themselves (and their ‘tudes).

Adjust the attitude, update the skills and, trust me, the right employer will want your help.

There have been few, if any, TV shows that have captured my attention like ‘Breaking Bad.” I adore(d) Walter White, Walter, Jr., Jesse Pinkman, the late, great Tuco, the late, great Gus and, of course, Hank.

Based upon Nielsen ratings, it seems like I’m not alone in my infatuation with the award-winning show. Here’s a guest post on Breaking Bad’s finale episode from Nicole Hall, (Peppercomm’s answer to Heisenberg)…..

Everything from Walter White’s blue meth to Vince Gilligan’s perfect goodbye has a reputation to uphold and requires a strict recipe with many variables. Creating a finale may not depend on cooking temperature or methylamine measurements, but it still should be carefully calculated. Several monumental shows have recently met or are nearing their end, but didn’t evoke anywhere near the emotional caliber of Heisenberg’s demise. So what are the ingredients for cooking up such an anticipated sendoff?

• Don’t overstay your welcome: This is something my mom always reminded me of as a kid when I wanted to stay at a friend’s house for dinner after getting there in time for breakfast. When you have people stay for too long, you start to not care about having a fresh pot of coffee for them and find yourself relieved—not sad—when they leave. When a TV show drags on, like The Office, watching the finale is more of an obligation than a thrill. Breaking Bad had reached its peak, and we were all at the edge of our seats after every episode. Sure, Vince Gilligan could have kept the audience momentum for another season or two, but the bottom line is that it left at a point where it would be missed, not just over. Bryan Cranston said it best: “I think Vince Gilligan…didn’t have to dilute any of the storylines by going too long. You never want to see a show get the reaction like, ‘Breaking Bad, is that still on the air?’ You want people to say ‘I miss that show.'”
• Tie up all loose ends: People died. People were freed. Problems were solved. Questions were answered. We were all (mostly) satisfied with everyone’s fate and can talk about whether or not we agree with what DID happen instead of wondering what MIGHT happen.
• Social media is a must: #GoodbyeBreakingBad and #BreakingBadFinale were trending even before the final episode began and that activity exploded after the credits. I unfortunately wasn’t able to watch the episode live and had to record it, so in order to not encounter any spoilers (I found out the hard way when Opie died on Sons of Anarchy before I could watch), I avoided Facebook and Twitter until I was able to see it uninterrupted. All of the 140-character activity only increased the hype of the show’s final moments and even sparked non-followers to start from Walt’s teaching days on Netflix.
• If it bleeds, it leads: This one certainly doesn’t apply to all cases, but for Breaking Bad, it was essential. For a show with a reputation of shock value and innovative scientific solutions, it had to end with something that once more exhibited Walt’s deadly combination of genius and thirst for blood.

Keeping in mind volatile audience attitudes, social media and other external variables, nothing is guaranteed. But the above key ingredients are necessary to create a perfect reaction worthy of Heisenberg’s reputation.

What ingredients do you think are necessary to create a positive response from your target audience?

New York, October 1, 2013 — Like some unstoppable tidal wave, Peppercomm continued its galactic expansion yesterday by announcing the acquisition of Walek & Associates, a top financial services firm. The Walek announcement comes less than a month after Peppercomm’s acquisition of Janine Gordon Associates, a superb consumer products/lifestyle boutique.

The back-to-back acquisitions are part of Co-Founder Steve Cody’s megalomaniacal plans to become what he terms, ‘the first truly galactic agency.’

‘Our goal is to have an office in every country on Earth, and an outpost on every planet in the solar system,’ mused Cody, aiming his office telescope towards the heavens.

Cody said both acquisitions deepen Peppercomm’s capabilities horizontally and vertically. ‘I’m not sure what that phrase means, but it’s pure ConsultantSpeak, and that’s what competitors say when they do these sorts of things.’ He did note that, with Walek and JGA, Peppercomm can provide clients with ‘far richer category expertise.’

‘Chemistry, capabilities and category credentials are the currency of the realm in today’s jackrabbit-fast strategic communications world,’ said Cody. ‘Organizations increasingly want to work with experienced counselors who take their clients’ business seriously, but don’t take themselves seriously at all.’ Cody noted that the firm’s ‘Comedy Experience’ training would be offered to JGA and Walek personnel and clients when, and where, appropriate. ‘We may also roll out stand-up comedy training on Mercury and Venus. It’s best to test these offerings in smaller venues before tackling such larger markets as Jupiter and Saturn.’

Cody said that, with the JGA and Walek billings, the firm was well on its way to becoming the galaxy’s first $1 trillion communications firm. ‘Why stop at $1 billion?’ he asked. ‘When we say we’re shooting for the stars, we mean it!’

While he wouldn’t identify other potential acquisition targets, Cody did mention that conversations have been held ‘…with a few boutiques on Neptune.’

Peppercomm is a strategic marketing communications firm headquartered in New York, with offices in San Francisco and London (for the moment).