A new University of Chicago study shows "very little difference and if anything, a slight positive advantage, in test scores for children who grew up watching TV early on, compared to those who did not."

Now, I’m not qualified to comment on the impact of TV on test scores, but I do feel qualified to discuss what I see as the impact of TV and computers on the ability of young people to write.

Poor writing (make that horrific writing) is PR’s dirty little secret. And each year it gets a little worse. I cannot tell you how many of my peers at the senior ranks of our profession lament the state of writing among next generation publicists entering the field.

I’d have to be equal parts sociologist, anthropologist, economist and educator to even begin to guess at all the reasons for the stark decline. But, in my mind, it comes down to a profound lack of reading and a proportionately high increase in TV viewing and reliance on the computer. Television and computers tend to "dumb down" the language and encourage grammatical short cuts and outright bastardizations of the language.

Sadly, the situation only seems to be getting worse. So, while I’m glad TV doesn’t hurt test scores, I can tell you it’s directly contributing to the rejection of many job candidates we interview who, in their writing tests, mangle the proper use of "its," "there" and "to," and love to use the phrase "should of" instead of "should have". It’s almost enough to make me want to not watch tonight’s episode of "24." Almost, but not enough.

First comes the news that a low fat, high fiber diet makes absolutely no difference in one’s health and well-being. Today, we learn that calcium and vitamin D supplements provide no benefit whatsoever to women over 50 hoping to stave off the horrific effects of osteoporosis. Nor do the supplements prevent colorectal cancer. And, and here’s the kicker; calcium and vitamin D supplements actually increase one’s risk of kidney stones.

Isn’t it comforting to know that, in today’s uncertain world, pretty much everything we’ve been told about our diet, health and fitness has been wrong? Or at least seriously flawed? It makes me feel like running over to the nearest McDonalds and supersizing myself.

It seems like we can’t trust our doctors and scientists. We can’t trust our elected officials (although that’s nothing new). We have grave doubts about our religious leaders. Our sports and entertainment heroes are doping themselves up with steroids, gambling on games and being arrested for all sorts of lewd and lascivious deeds.

All of this bad karma reminds me of one of my all-time favorite business war stories from the dotcom days. At the time, we were representing a dotcom that aimed to provide vision testing over the web. Once we were hired and dived into their business model, however, we uncovered any number of fundamental flaws in the way in which they’d actually administer the traditional vision test. One day, our account manager was really laying into them about the site’s shortcomings. The conversation became so heated that, at one point, the marketing manager sighed and exclaimed, "Maybe we should just pack up our tents and go home."

That statement nails my feelings about the diet and fitness news. And, yes maam, I’ll take an extra large order of fries to go with my supersized Big Mac.

Just when one thinks he’s seen and heard everything comes news that the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene is "…currently developing the first NYC-branded condom."

The department spokesperson says the branding effort was created so they "…can later track the effectiveness of our distribution."

The announcement obviously ticked off the more conservative elements of New York society such as religious institutions and social conservatives because, they say, it promotes "certain lifestyles."

As far I’m concerned, though, this is an absolutely brilliant branding strategy by the City, and fits in beautifully with the way in which they’ve merchandised NYC police and fire department merchandise.

I have no doubt the condoms will become incredibly popular and generate significant revenue for the City’s coffers.

I have to believe the hoards of tourists visiting the City will snap up the branded condoms in bushel loads. And, I can just imagine the conversation. "C’mon Fred. We have to buy a six pack for the gang back home in Omaha. Just imagine Marge’s reaction when I give her a NYC-branded condom."

Beautiful. Just beautiful. And, it could only happen in New York….

There’s no doubt that truth can be stranger than fiction. Take this example. An Italian company called Edizioni Musicali Terzo Millennio has purchased the rights to 23 prayers written by the late pontiff, Pope John Paul II.

According to a company spokesman, the Rev. Guiseppe Moscali, the goal is to have international artists set the prayers to music. So far, so good. But, here’s where the tale takes a bizarre twist.

Among the artists interested in recording the prayers is Michael Jackson. Talk about a moth being attracted by the flame that kills it. What must Jacko be thinking? Having barely escaped being convicted on pedophilia charges, he now decides to sing songs from the erstwhile leader of the Roman Catholic Church, an institution staggered by countless charges of pedophile priests running rampant in their ranks?

And what must the Church be thinking? One wonders if the Vatican spinmeisters had Jacko riffs in mind as they began carefully nurturing John Paul II’s legacy? (i.e."Say, Fabrizio, can’t you just picture Michael Jackson moon dancing his way through the pope’s prayer to the Blessed Mother?").

Either way, this has to be one of the most bizarre partnerships in recent memory. And a very questioinnable image and reputation move on the part of both Mr. Jackson and Rev. Moscali.

There’s nothing like a good old snowstorm to whip the media into a heightened state of frenzy. Each local channel seems bent on outdoing the other with “live team coverage” from Route 17 in Ramsey, the Saw Mill Parkway in Westchester County or Jericho Turnpike on Long Island.

In each instance, we see the intrepid reporters bravely battling the elements to let us know that, yes indeed, it is snowing. And, yes indeed, it’s probably a good idea to stay inside and ride out the storm. They use words and phrases like “the blizzard of ’06,” and “it’s bearing down on us like an out-of-control freight train” and “we should all just hunker down and ride it out as best we can” to heighten the gravitas of the moment. At the same time, the daring field correspondents seek out local residents and sanitation roadcrews in every area and seem genuinely depressed when the interviewees say things like, “It’s really not that bad,” or “I’m able to get around pretty easily.”

When the wind-and snow-whipped reporters turn things over to their peers inside the warm studios, the latter make sure to express their concern and admiration for their daring counterparts braving the raging snowstorm.

What must “real” journalists covering “real” crises like the war in Iraq, mass genocide in Africa and the ever-more scary bird flu think of these local yokels?

It’s one thing to accurately and responsibly report weather as a news story and then move on to other, more pressing matters of the day. It’s quite another to “blanket” the airwaves with 24×7 hype and hyperbole aimed at heightening ratings and scaring the bejesus out of viewers. One wonders how these same local “journalists” will respond if, and when, a truly calamitous event besets the tri-state area? Back to you in the studio, Maurice..